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Friends Make Better Lovers

man-and-woman-gamingBeing in love is one of the greatest gifts of life. The sharing of affectionate feelings with one another is a vital part of our human experience. No one can live without a measure of love in their life. This is because of our innate need to interact and form bonds with one another. Love consists of companionship, commitment, mutual respect, understanding, harmony, intimacy, communication, honesty, openness and more. Above all, friendship binds all these attributes together.

Friendship has a huge role to play in the success of a relationship. When people are not satisfied with their relationships, they often demand for more such as more intimacy, commitment, honesty, companionship and more. Little do they know that friendship encompasses all of that!

love-couple-imagesWhen you are really friends with each other, you’ll experience a more fulfilling love life where intimacy is deeper, commitment is stronger, communication is fantastic, and you are more open with each other. When you truly accept each other regardless of your flaws and focus more on your strengths you’ll find it much easier to forge stronger bonds.

Being friends with each other is simply doing what friends do!

So what do friends do?

Friends know each other

Friends talk with each other

Friends play together

Friends care about each other

Friends enjoy each other’s company

Friends protect each other

Friends share with each other

Friends make & keep special memories

Friends give to each other

Friends meet each other’s needs

Friends cherish their relationship

Friends spend quality time with each other

Friends encourage each other

Friends don’t judge each other

 Building a successful relationship involves actively seeking out ways to be better.  It may involve doing just about anything to keep the fire burning brighter and on the long run, keep the relationship free from the unnecessary fatigue that can set in after time takes its toll.

love-hug1In a nutshell, do EVERYTHING that friends do to become better lovers!

Remember to follow me on twitter @drmorayojimoh for more fun updates on #Lovetalks.


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Strengthening Family Relationships during the Holidays

din

During this time of the year, many families are engaged in various activities like going on trips, reunions, parties, meetings and so on with the aim of reconnecting and reinforcing family ties.  The December holiday season also provides an opportunity for estranged family members to restore their relationships and settle all forms of acrimony that may exist amongst them.

“Well, what better time is there to strengthen your most important relationships than during the holidays?”

While some may have it easy when it comes to reconnecting with their family members, on the contrary, there are some others who really want to reconnect as well but they may find it difficult to do so and this might make them tend towards depression, anxiety and all other forms of negative feelings at such a time when they should be having fun!

However the current strength of your family relationship, the following are keys to help restore and further strengthen your family ties during this holiday season.

1. Effective Communication    78631212_XS (1)

Communication is one of the most vital aspects of nurturing any relationship and it goes beyond mere verbal expression. Keep in mind that when communicating, your facial expressions, gestures, tone of voice and other forms of body language can speak more volume than what you may intend especially when it comes to family relationships. The tricky part is that you may be unaware of your non-verbal communication towards your family as a result of familiarity or otherwise. During this holiday, make a commitment to be more conscious and courteous about your non-verbal communication with your family in order to boost the effectiveness of your communication.

2. Quality Time  family-dinner-1

To many families, having free time to spend together seems to be a luxury as we are often too busy with work, school and other engagements all year round. The holiday season is a great opportunity to reconnect and strengthen family relationships. When planning the holiday, ensure to include special “family time” to do things together as a team such as planning a party together, playing games, having a picnic or going on a trip.

3. Giving  

Like the old saying goes, charity begins at home. It literally begins at home! This is a season to show love and the best expression of love is through giving. It requires some level of selflessness on your part. Giving is inexhaustible as there is always something to give, it could be gifts, money, advice, support and even giving your time to listen or to share a special moment will all go a long way in strengthening your family relationship.

16-045614-holiday_gift_giving_etiquette

Meeting a need in a family member’s life during this holiday will create a sense of being thought of as important and will in turn strengthen your relationship. Remember to communicate effectively, spend quality time and give during this season! To gain more tips on strengthening family ties click Here.

For more juicy info about #strengtheningfamilyrelationsships kindly follow me on twitter @DrMorayoJimoh.

 


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Keep it Hot!!!

“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times,

always with the same person”. –  Migon McLaughlin.

happy couple 3

Falling in love is mostly associated with the period of dating. This is when two people of the opposite sex connect and express love, care and have special feelings for each other. Although, this feeling is common in dating, married couples should however learn to fall in love again and again with each other in order to keep enjoying the marriage. Particularly, it refreshes the marriage and facilitates its success.

How can the flames of love be kept hot in marriage? Men and women have different expectations from each other. Fulfilling these expectations holds the key to the most successful and healthy marriages.

Women generally desire 3 A’s from men namely: Attraction, Attention and Affection.

  • Attraction- Always make her feel attracted to you. Watch your physical appearance. Have a nice hair cut that she likes. Keep yourself neat and tidy.

 

  • Attention- Ensure you spend quality time with her. Go out on special romantic dates. Take a vacation together and have a nice time. Every woman loves to get attention from her man. Listen with not only your ears but also with your eyes and heart when she wants to talk with you.

 

  • Affection- Men should whisper sweet words into the ears of their wives. Make an effort in satisfying her desires in actions. Don’t just say ‘I love you’. Make her feel loved and appreciated by your actions. Try to woo her again and again. This helps to rekindle the flames of love.hudband commu

Also, men want 3 R’s which are: Respect, Romance and Recognition.

  • Respect- This is vital to a man’s ego. A wife should accord her husband the respect needed and not bruise his ego. Make him feel respected and he will cherish, respect and love you.

 

  • Romance – Wives should also learn to keep up with the romance. Learn to spice things up in the bedroom. Put an extra effort to look attractive to him. Leave a short love note for him. Send him some romantic text messages.

 

  • Recognition- They should also learn to recognize and appreciate even the trivial things that husbands do such as helping out with the selection of clothes and some household  chores.Care-husband

“Let the wife make the husband glad to come home,

and let him make her sorry to see him leave”- Martin Luther.

The more you invest in love, the more you grow in love. The presence of your partner excites and thrills you. You would not like to see him/her leave.

Never let the fire of love fizzle out.

Keep it hot!


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What’s Love Got To Do With It?

whats loveI’m sure the title may have got you dancing and reminded you of the song by Tina Turner. Have you ever wondered what love has got to do with Valentine? Has it ever crossed your mind? We mention Valentine and associate the word with love. We celebrate the holiday, give gifts, roses, cards, show love and for most of us, we have no clue as to why? Is valentine a person or place? Let’s see what history says. Many stories have been found to represent why we celebrate valentine. Actually, Valentine is the name of a person and record has it that there were three people named Valentine in the history of the Roman Catholic Church.

Story 1
During a period of invasion in Rome, Emperor Claudius put a ban on marriages. He did this, believing that single men made better soldiers. However, a priest named Valentine who believed in love and marriage, secretly married couples. He was found out by the Emperor who eventually beheaded him on February 14th. It was said that he gave up his life for the love of love and the love of God.

Story 2Valentine
Another Valentine is rumored to have been imprisoned from worshipping God as the Emperor at the time commanded everyone to worship 12 Roman Gods. While in prison, the jailer requested that he bring his blind daughter to learn under his tutelage. Valentine agreed and taught about arithmetic, nature and also God. One day, the jailer’s daughter asked whether God could heal her, and valentine said yes. He prayed for her and she was healed. On the eve of his death, he wrote a note to her and urged her to keep close to God and signed “from your valentine”. The next day which was February 14th, he was executed. Some rumored that he fell in love with his captor’s daughter.”
Story 3
It is also believed that the holiday has its roots in the pagan festival of Lupercalia- a fertility festival dedicated to Faunus, Romulus, and Remus, founders of Rome, which held on the 15th of February. In the 5th century, Pope Gelasius declared that February 14th was St. Valentine’s Day and outlawed Lupercalia, calling it un-Christian.

 

love round

Irrespective of which story holds true, Valentine’s Day became associated with the idea of love. It is seen as a day to show love, care and affection. This includes but is not to limited to opposite sex relationships. This day can also be regarded as one to extend a hand of love to the less privileged and show love to family and friends. Someone once said,  “love makes the world go round”. The world can become a better place if we truly love each other. There would be a decline in wars, terrorism and violence.

As Valentine’s day draws near, make up your mind to love and show that you love.

Love yourself,

Love others and

Remember that love has everything to do with it!

love 2

For interesting tips to spice up this love season, follow @drmorayojimoh for updates. If you are following the #LoveDare, kindly make comments or share your experiences with us.


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The Gift of Friendship

There are big ships and small ships but the best ship of all is friendship!

friends

As humans, we are social beings and as such; we are interdependent on one another. No man is an island. We all need each other, no matter how individualistic some cultures tend towards or claim to be, they still depend on one or more people to survive. Relationships involve being connected or associated with others of the same kind. It could be family relationships, friendship or other forms.

Establishing and maintaining relationships is a major form of socialization found across all cultures.

Friendship is a form of relationship between two or more individuals with common affection, usually mutually benefiting and can be based on some similarities in terms of interest, values, environment or background.

Friendship is often based on mutual understanding, honesty, trust, empathy, compassion, affection, altruism, enjoyment of each other’s company, the ability to be one’s self or express one’s feelings and make mistakes without fear of being judged. Trust is the most important building block in any relationship. So in terms of friendship, trust is a vital factor in building true and long lasting friendships.

My friend is someone that I can fearlessly lay down my guards with.

freedom to be yourself

Friendship is a vital ingredient to success in life. The people you relate with can either ‘accelerate’ or ‘decelerate’ you in that, the people with whom you associate can aid you to progress or cause you to retrogress in life. Also, you are a reflection of your friend. This explains the popular saying:

“Show me your friend and I will tell you who you are”

This is because most of the time if not all, friends share similar values and behaviours.

Friendship also has to do with choice in that, it is not an imposition. You get to choose your own friends. However, you should be mindful about your choice of friends. The people you relate with generally fall under two categories namely: Lifters and downers. Lifters are those that will help you grow and improve, they are also known as adders or multipliers because they “add” to your life and help you become better. On the other hand, downers are those that stunt your growth and bring you down. They “subtract” from your life. This is why it is important to choose wisely.

 

Keep in mind that true friendship involves sharing. It is a “give and take” relationship where both parties are willing to make each other better.

A true friend sticks with you in good and bad times.

 Friendship_quotes_004

Let’s always remember to celebrate our friends in this season of Love and always!

Follow @drmorayojimoh for more interesting updates on Love and relationships!


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Family Ties

“Family is the most important thing in the world.”Princess Diana

 familyThey have watched you laugh, cry, win or fail at different points in your life. They have seen you at your worst and best, they have shared in your joy and pain. They know and understand your strengths and weaknesses and they may seem to criticize you the most. You didn’t choose them and you can’t forget them in a hurry but out of all the people in this world, they are the ones that probably know, understand and accept you the most – Your family! Yes, your father, mother, sister, brother, spouse, children and significant others. They are the ones who will be with you in times of crises, celebration, mourning and even at death.

“Rejoice with your family in the beautiful land of life!”- Albert Einstein

 Every family is different, what applies to one family may not apply to another. It’s the uniqueness of your family that makes it special. You should cherish your family even with all the imperfections that forms part of it. The obvious truth is that there really is no perfect family no matter how perfect they may seem to the outside people. Every family  has their own challenges as well as strengths. Here’s a tip;

 Take time out to appreciate the positive sides of your family while refusing to mull over the negative aspects of your family. family 1

“When trouble comes, it’s your family that supports you.” – Guy Lafleur

 As humans,we have a  strong need to love and be loved and the family is usually the first platform where love is expressed such as in caring for and sharing with one another. The bond that ties your family together is not just blood, but more of the shared joy, love, memories and respect for each other. It’s the reason why you love your brother, sister or others in your family regardless of how much you have fought with them in the past or their weaknesses.

“A man travels the world over in search of what he needs, and returns home to find it.” –  George Moore

 We have a responsibility to our family to keep it strong and knitted together in love. Doing this requires a daily effort on our part to invest in our family with our time, gifts and other resources.

Family ties are precious threads, no matter where we roam,

 They draw us close to those we love, and pull our hearts toward home.

“Love begins at home and its not how much we do, but how much love we put into that action”.- Mother Teresa

Welcome to the month of February, the season of love.loveEvery day this month… (and of course other months), make a conscious effort to put a smile on a family member’s face!

Love starts with you.


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Conquering Bad Habits

A persons personality can be described as a collage of habits which the person expresses. We are our habits and our habits make us. The more good habits we have, the better people we tend to be. Bad habits, which are negative behaviour patterns, however, hold us back from reaching our full potentials. Bad habits, as we know, are detrimental to our well-being; they affect us physically (e.g smoking and its adverse effects on the lungs) and mentally (habitual lying, See our previous post The importance of being honest ). You can conquer your bad habits of procrastination, overspending, smoking or even nail-biting and picking your nose, but first you have to assess the origin of such habits and circumstances that trigger them.

Some bad habits, such as smoking and overspending, often start when a person is under a lot of stress. Gratification is often used in such circumstances to take our minds off the stressor. This may not sound so bad initially, but this is how most bad habits begin. The reason being that when we gratify ourselves, the pleasure we feel is initiated by the release of dopamine from from the limbic system to the  pleasure centers of our brain. Behaviours that trigger this release are then more readily reinforced as we naturally enjoy pleasure. The problem is it is more difficult to be moderate which such behaviours and they soon interfere with our lives and become bad habits.

Most of the time, bad habits tend to ease the ‘here and now’ and provide immediate satisfaction, not thoroughly thinking of the future consequences or effect they’d have on us. This is seen especially in procrastination, which most of us are often guilty of. So if you are serious about conquering your bad habits and you are ready to make a firm resolve, the following actions are necessary:

1. Increased Will power

can do!

You have to make a strong resolution that you are willing to stop whatever bad habit it is. You have to remind yourself of it’s adverse effects in your life and that you can indeed control this behaviour. This is something you do daily to increase your willpower and subjugate the habit. Remind yourself that you are in control of your actions and not vice versa. You can even write it down in a diary or somewhere you can see it each day as a reminder. Stop for a second now. Close your eyes, take a deep breath and tell yourself, “I am in control!”.

 


its-possible-to-rewire-your-brain-by-breaking-out-of-the-way-you-naturally-think2. Re-wire your brain

Some say we are creatures of habits and this is due to the way our brains are wired. The more we do an action, the stronger the neural connections relating to that action. This is how practice makes perfect. However, this is also how we automatically or subconsciously find ourselves indulging in our bad habits, the neural connection is usually strong. An environment or situation, that your brain has associated with you carrying out a certain action, could even trigger bad habits. Therefore, you have to re-wire your brain. Associate healthier actions with environments or situations you used to associate with bad habits. This is something you have to do daily for about a month (some say between 21 and 28 days before a bad habit is broken) in order for new neural connections associated with the situation to be established.

 

3. Reflect

Critical-and-Reflective-Thinking1a

Take time out to reflect on your actions and how they affect your body and well-being. Reflect on who you are now as a person due to this bad habit. Understand that at this moment you’re doing fine without it. Imagine the future consequences of your bad habits. The anxiety caused by too much procrastination or the disappointment you’d feel when you realize your broke again due to overspending. Whatever situation you can relate with. Stay relaxed and imagine how you’d feel if you finally got rid of this bad habit. Experience the momentary joy. Realize when your body begins to crave for this bad habit and what alerts your senses to it. Once you are able to do this, you’d find that you begin to know the initial physical and mental signs that often lead to you indulging in this habit again and can make a conscious decision to stop before you begin to consider it. (For a full mindfulness meditation experience go to  http://www.mobilehealthconsult.org/?page_id=1008)

 

4. Have a support group

Confide with your friends and family if you can and tell them about the difficulty your having is stopping this bad habit. support-groupYou’d find that some of your friends may be going through something similar or even the exact same problem. They may have other ways of dealing with bad habits that they could share with you. Meet with a group maybe once a week to share ideas and to find support. This is one of the most effective methods of conquering bad habits. Find people you can relate with and vice versa and help each other.

Moderation is key

Remember to do all things in moderation. Not too little and definitely not too much. Especially things that bring us pleasure. Discipline is very important if we want to prevent ourselves from bad habits. Be moderate.

If you try or you’ve sincerely tried all these and you persist in relasping, it is advised that you seek a psychotherapist as you may not just have a bad habit but an addiction.


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The Importance of being Honest

Take a moment and try to remember the last time you told a ‘small’ or a ‘white’ lie…

Do you remember how it felt?

Now, take another moment and try to remember the last time you told a major lie…

Do you remember how it felt?

If you were caught, can you recall how you felt at that time? Not a very good feeling I presume. person_ashamed1

Whatever the size of the lie, big or small, lying makes us feel uneasy. There’s a valid reason why Benjamin Franklin professed Honesty as the best policy. It affects us psychologically, emotionally and even physically. Here are a few points to emphasize the importance of being honest.

1. You become less anxious when you’re more honest. There’s no such thing as a relaxed liarrelaxed-woman
. Studies have found that lying triggers the release of stress hormones. These hormones make us anxious and increase our heart rates and blood pressure. Hence the more we lie, the more anxious and stressed we become. Honesty makes us more relaxed generally, psychically and mentally.

handshake2. Honesty improves self-confidence and trust. When we lie often, especially about ourselves, we get caught up in that fantasy that we become dissatisfied with our present selves and begin to lose confidence. It’s almost like one has to lie to look good, and deep down is aware of that. You begin to depend on lies instead of your ability to improve yourself and cope with the circumstances. In addition, others would soon begin to realize that you lie often and consequentially lose confidence in you and brand you as dishonest to others. You also begin to lose trust in yourself. On the other hand, an honest person is almost always acclaimed by his or her peers and has a lot of peoples trust. He would have a lot of responsibilities due to this trust, which will in turn boost his or her self confidence. Being honest makes us self-affirmed.

3. Honesty improves relationships. In all types of relationships, once trust is broken it is normally difficult to fix. laughing-coupleContinuous dishonesty goes the extra mile to damage almost every relationship you are in. This would be evident soon enough to make you unhappy and could cause you to sink into depression. Honesty does the exact opposite. It solidifies every relationship you’re involved in and improves the likelihood of you forming new good relationships with people you meet. Good relationships ultimately improves our overall happiness and well-being.

There is no little or ‘white’ lie. Habitual lying begins from lying about the little things and almost always ends up with one lying about the bigger things which could cause substantial damage in ones life. On your road to habitual honesty, start by telling the truth about the littlest things and in time you’d find that recourse is always telling the truth.

The truth shall set you free! That’s psychotherapy is very effective, it’s based on complete honesty. It’s the first step towards solving any problem. Be honest, with yourself and with others.

Life comes down to honesty and doing what’s right. That’s what’s most important.

– Bob Feller


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Preventing domestic abuse

domestic-violenceDomestic violence is no new topic. There are several cases daily of emotional, physical or sexual abuse from different parts of the world. Some end up in divorce, serious injury to the victim or even murder. Why would anyone be in such a relationship one may ask. Most times it starts after “I do” has been proclaimed and the couple are living as man and wife. The true colours of people are usually revealed after marriage, were for most its too late to pull out as it may cause scandal, or one chooses to persevere for the sake of the children or financial support or any other reason. No one has to be in an abusive relationship and there are signs that one could use to determine whether or not their partner has the tendency to be abusive.

1. Desire for Power & Control

Mostly in abusive men, there is usually a strong desire for power and control that they exert on their lovers when they feel inadequate. When things are getting out of their control, they turn their frustrations into violence behavior towards their lover. They also are abusive when they feel they are losing control of their significant other, or they feel inferior because they are earning less, they feel jealous or anything that affects their ego and self-esteem. This often leads to obsession, were they forcefully restrict their partners from the ‘outside world’ out of fear of losing them and constantly keep them in check. It is important to know just how big the ego of your significant other is and their hunger for power and control. An indication is if they do not like to ‘share’ power with you. They make all the decisions and set all the rules and are aggressive (even passively) when they are not in control. This is a vital sign.

Child_s640x4272. Violent background

Abusers have often been found to come from homes where they have been abused or observed one of their parents being abused. This influences their approach to relationships as they tend to repeat what they observed in their own relationships. It now becomes a form of learned behaviour, especially if the abused did little or nothing about it (positive reinforcement). Violent temperaments have also been found to be hereditary, meaning that the child of a violent man has a tendency to become violent himself from when he is young or in the future. Correlations have been found between juvenile delinquents and abusive behaviour in adulthood. Know very well the background of whoever you’re getting yourself involved with and look out for histories of violence within the family.

3. Substance abuse

There are several cases of alcoholics and drug abusers being abusive. Abuse of drugs and alcohol makes it less likely for one to control their violent impulses. Reasoning is reduced so they become more impulsive. Substance abusers lack self-control and, because they are often not themselves, end up doing things they’d regret when they are sober. This indication would be clear most of the time, act on it!

1-green-finger4. Blame

A major reason why abuse goes on in a relationship is blame. The abuser blames his or her violent behaviours on their partner, saying it’s their partners fault that they are harming them. On the other side, in a number of cases we find that the abused also blame themselves for the abusers behaviour towards them. Telling themselves or others that if they didn’t act in a certain way they would not have been treated badly by their partner. Either way, it deeply affects the self-esteem of the abused and positively reinforces the abusers violent actions. It is important to note that no one else is to blame for our actions; only we are to blame. Never blame yourself for someone else’s bad actions. Beware if its always your fault when something goes wrong in your relationship, and when necessary it is vital you stand up for yourself.

These four signs are often obvious, so do not ignore them.

                                                              Do not be silent in abuse; speak out!

Domestic abuse occurs most of the time when the abuser believes he or she would get away with it. No one deserves to be in an abusive relationship and it can be prevented if we are all mindful of ourselves, our thoughts and our actions.


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The Secret to Better Relationships

Relationships are usually said to be the most meaningful part of people’s lives. Be it parent-child relationships, romantic relationships or relationships with colleagues at work, man as a social being has an innate need to bond with others. Over time, we become dependent on the significant relationships we have formed which affect our well-being.

It is well known that most, if not all, relationships are imperfect. Furthermore, as time goes by, changes that occur in one’s life could either affect a significant relationship positively or adversely. These life changes include ageing, moving from one job to another or the death of a family member. Regardless of these, there is a secret that will improve your relationships and guard them from whatever changes or inconveniences life may bring.

“The secret to better relationships lies in the practice of mindfulness meditation.”

Mindfulness, involves being fully aware of the present moment. It awakens your consciousness to your emotions and also those of others. With mindfulness, you can easily perceive underlying intentions and subjective feelings which improve your understanding of others and capacity for empathy and compassion. Practicing mindfulness can make your relationships better in the following ways:

1. Discovery discovery

Mindfulness meditation enables one to focus deeply on the present moment which encourages further discovery of oneself and others. For example, romantic relationships often get to the point where it becomes routine and boring and this could be harmful for any relationship. Mindfulness helps you discover aspects of yourself, your partner, child or colleague that you may have missed in previous times due to lack of focus or change in the person over time. This helps you to see yourself and others in a new light and would prevent a routine relationship.

2. Self-Love self love

Mindfulness elicits self-appreciation and self-satisfaction. At that moment you accept yourself with all your imperfections and bask in your inner thoughts about you. You learn to love yourself. Do more things you like, eat what you like, go where you like and even make better decisions in life. In order to love others in relationships you must first LOVE YOURSELF. You cannot give what you do not have. You would need to be satisfied with yourself in order to readily see the best in others. Pretense or putting up a façade harms relationships. As such, a genuine love for oneself leads to self-acceptance and being one’s self which is key to any healthy relationship.

3. Managing emotions anger

Mismanagement of emotions is a major cause of conflict in relationships. Mindfulness meditation makes you realize that you have control over your emotions and only YOU can make YOU sad or happy. This way you do not blame others for your emotions but take full accountability for them.

Techniques used in mindfulness meditation can be used by anyone anywhere and at any time. Techniques such as couples meditation helps couples connect more deeply each day and increases levels of empathy in relationships. Mindfulness meditation is done at the discretion of the individual and usually becomes a life-long habit that would continually improve you as an individual as well as various relationships with others.

Now you know the secret to better relationships!

Begin by registering for a FREE mindfulness meditation training, follow this link: http://www.mobilehealthconsult.org/?page_id=1008