Mobile Health Consult

A refreshing experience begins here……


Leave a comment

To Love Mindfully

valentine

“…When mindfulness embraces those we love, they will bloom like flowers”

-Thich Nhat Hanh

We all have our fantasies when it comes to being in relationships, be it in dating, courtship or in marriage. It could be a deep desire to be treated with so much love from our partners but this may not always be the case. Certainly, relationships can have its share of ups & downs, good & bad times, happy memories & painful ones as well but above all, the success of any relationship is largely dependent on how such a relationship is being handled by the parties involved. When there are unchecked deficits on the part of either or both parties with regards to how they treat each other, such relationships may be headed for the rocks on the long run.

It’s valentine once again and lovers all around the world seem to be getting more and more creative on how to express their love and bring happiness to their partners/spouses with special gifts, love notes/letters, surprises, romantic dates and so much more.

candle_light_dinner

Be as creative as you can this valentine to touch the heart of your special one with everything you say and do!

But do you know that it could be so much more wonderful if it extends beyond Valentine’s day?

Yes, it sure can!

It is by loving mindfully. Which implies that you become more intentional about how you treat your partner/spouse DAILY as opposed to being mindless every other day. Being mindful about loving your special one will involve deliberately gaining more “awareness” of him/her as much as possible by paying attention and studying him/her wholly so as to become more responsive to his/her own peculiar needs.

Here is a daily love challenge that will involve you and your partner/spouse to be more mindful about how you express love to each other for the next 30 days.

Get him/her involved and make a commitment to each other today to mindfully DO something special or UNEXPECTED for yourselves every day.

Try not to be predictable and keep him/her guessing.

It is really not in the volume of what you do but in the thoughtfulness.

Feel free to share your experiences with us and extend the challenge days until it becomes a daily practice. You’ll find that both of you will become closer, more affectionate and fulfilled in the relationship as you treat each other better everyday!

Remember, NEVER stop treating each other in a special way!

Happy Valentine from all of us at Mobile Heath Consult. You can join the conversation as we celebrate love this February by following me on twitter @DrMorayoJimoh.

happy-valentines-day

 


4 Comments

Trapped or Free?

ppp

Rose and Isaac fell so deeply in love with each other back in school. They decided to take their relationship a step further by getting married after 2 years of dating. They both had a perfect picture of what marriage would be like and often talked about all the sweet feelings they looked forward to. Rose felt she had what it takes to be a wife and Isaac likewise believed that he had what it takes to be a husband.

First year of their marriage seemed like a dream come true in every aspect. The next few years also had some sweetness and adventure. It went on like this for a while until things started to change gradually, the affectionate feelings started to dwindle and they both began capitalizing on each other’s flaws with their fights becoming more intense. At the 5th year of marriage, they could barely look each other in the eyes without having a flash of memories about each other’s wrong doings.

What went wrong?    

Let’s take a look at marriage for what it really is; Marriage is intended for companionship, mutual understanding, love, care, support and togetherness. It is a union where either party should be free to express and receive love. However, the focus should be more on giving rather than on expecting.

Wait a minute… more about giving? I thought  marriage was supposed to make ME happier, make ME feel more loved, Make ME smile, make ME fulfilled, make ME complete, make ME feel good about MYSELF or make ME enjoy life more.

Well, the truth regarding this is that marriage cannot make you happy if you haven’t found happiness within yourself yet. Neither can it fill up the emptiness you feel on your inside if you don’t love yourself enough. This is simply because the more you love yourself, the better a lover you can be to your spouse. So it isn’t totally about what you can get but about what you are capable of giving towards the success of your marriage.   

what you haveFor marriages to be truly fulfilling, couples need to be willing to put in a lot of conscious effort to make it work. Step out of the fairy tale fantasies about marriage every once in a while and work it out with your spouse. It is when you do so that you can really experience the happily ever after created by you of course!

When couples fail to play their part towards creating a healthy relationship with one another, one or both may tend to feel trapped in the marriage and resort to seeking a quick way out. Sadly this has become so common.

To improve the quality of your marriage, you must endeavor to be skilled in the following:

Forgive easily: There is absolutely no guarantee that your spouse won’t do something that can hurt you again and again and yet again… but don’t continue piling up unresolved conflicts that arise as a result of unforgiveness rather, be willing to forgive your spouse when he/she goes wrong no matter the cost. Ensure not to bring up past mistakes and never compare your spouse with someone else.  You really don’t need all the heart aches that build up as a result of unforgiveness and you find that you are happier when you forgive easily. If you are not willing to forgive easily then you are not ready to make your marriage work.

Make your communication effective: Couples need to be able to talk with each other about everything that concerns them. Talk about sex, talk about finances, talk about plans for the family and talk about your relationship with each other and how you both can improve on how you treat each other.

Be creative: Add spice to your marriage by becoming more creative in every aspect. Be less predictable and keep your spouse guessing. Invest your time and money into the success of your marriage.

happy-older-couple-111120Keep in mind that your marriage is what you make of it. So if you are willing to make it work, then learn to forgive your spouse easily, be creative and make your communication effective.

Kindly follow me on twitter @DrMorayoJimoh for more interesting updates.

 


1 Comment

He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not…

“A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ comes together.

It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.”

-Dave Meurer

ringsMarriage is a sacred institution that signifies the joining of hearts and minds of a man and a woman in a union that is expected to last until death. This institution is most looked forward to by young adults as they desire to share their lives with their “true love”. Let’s pause a bit and look closely at the term “true love”. How true is this love that makes a man do anything to capture the heart of his damsel? Is there such a thing as fake love? What exactly is love in the confines of marriage? How would you define love?

Sometimes, we are confronted with the credibility of our spouse’s profession of love. When two people take vows to cherish and love each other forever, they, at that moment experience a rush of love or feelings that carry them on till a year or so. Research by James Spencer at Brigham Young University (1992) in a longitudinal study measuring marital quality, revealed that universally,  romantic love is experienced in the first year of marriage. After this period, the couple is soon faced with the reality of living with a completely different person from a different background with different interests and preferences. Arguments, conflicts and moments of angry outbursts may be common at this period which may question the veracity of the initial love professed at the time of taking solemn vows.

Does this sound familiar? If you are married I’m sure you can accede to the fact that marriage is not always a bed of roses. There are times of “up” and times of “down”. Times to laugh and cry, fight and make up, criticize and encourage, etc.

Based on a research by Campbell, Weiner-Davis, DeMaria, Harrar et al, Chris Garner proposed 5 stages of marriage which are:

1. The Enchantment phase:

This is otherwise known as the honey moon phase. This phase has been researched to last a year or two depending on when children arrive. It is a passion fueled phase with intense focus on attraction. Couples believe that they will live happily ever after much like the fairy tale stories of Cinderella and snow white. Excitement and euphoria characterize this stage and couples usually share similar interests. They can talk for long hours without getting tired. At this stage, all they want is to be together.

enchantment

2.  The Realization phase:

Feelings of euphoria wear off and couples realize how different they are. It is a time of disenchantment where they realize differences that exist between them. Power tussles, arguments and conflict over minor as well as major issues results. Remember the story of a couple who fought over how to squeeze toothpaste? This kind of scenario often occurs at this stage. Would it be sufficient to state that the love that once existed has gone sour?

realization3. The Acceptance phase:

At this phase, the differences observed are accepted. Each person begins to see the other person and accept him/her without being judgmental; after all it would be difficult to change the other person. Couples at this stage are able to work through the challenges they face.

acceptance

4. The Commitment phase:

Understanding, peace and harmony are characteristic features of this stage. This is a matured stage of a relationship that exists even when problems and conflicts arise. Couples have learnt to understand themselves and work through whatever comes their way through teamwork and cooperation. Each couple knows about the weaknesses of the other but choose to stay or commit themselves to them based on the strengths they have.

5. The Co-creation phase:

Couples who get to this stage look beyond themselves and extend their oneness to others. They are able to work together in unity to bring about impact in the lives of those around them. They are able to contribute their own quota to society by mentoring young ones and giving back in different ways.

With these 5 stages, how would you define love? Is it primarily the passion that comprises the enchantment stage, the intimacy of acceptance phase or the commitment of the commitment stage? The truth is a combination of all 3. This was proposed by Robert Sternberg in his Triarchic theory of love.

So, love basically is a mix of PASSION, INTIMACY and COMMITMENT.

Kindly follow @DrMorayoJimoh for more interesting updates on Love and Relationships.


1 Comment

Preventing domestic abuse

domestic-violenceDomestic violence is no new topic. There are several cases daily of emotional, physical or sexual abuse from different parts of the world. Some end up in divorce, serious injury to the victim or even murder. Why would anyone be in such a relationship one may ask. Most times it starts after “I do” has been proclaimed and the couple are living as man and wife. The true colours of people are usually revealed after marriage, were for most its too late to pull out as it may cause scandal, or one chooses to persevere for the sake of the children or financial support or any other reason. No one has to be in an abusive relationship and there are signs that one could use to determine whether or not their partner has the tendency to be abusive.

1. Desire for Power & Control

Mostly in abusive men, there is usually a strong desire for power and control that they exert on their lovers when they feel inadequate. When things are getting out of their control, they turn their frustrations into violence behavior towards their lover. They also are abusive when they feel they are losing control of their significant other, or they feel inferior because they are earning less, they feel jealous or anything that affects their ego and self-esteem. This often leads to obsession, were they forcefully restrict their partners from the ‘outside world’ out of fear of losing them and constantly keep them in check. It is important to know just how big the ego of your significant other is and their hunger for power and control. An indication is if they do not like to ‘share’ power with you. They make all the decisions and set all the rules and are aggressive (even passively) when they are not in control. This is a vital sign.

Child_s640x4272. Violent background

Abusers have often been found to come from homes where they have been abused or observed one of their parents being abused. This influences their approach to relationships as they tend to repeat what they observed in their own relationships. It now becomes a form of learned behaviour, especially if the abused did little or nothing about it (positive reinforcement). Violent temperaments have also been found to be hereditary, meaning that the child of a violent man has a tendency to become violent himself from when he is young or in the future. Correlations have been found between juvenile delinquents and abusive behaviour in adulthood. Know very well the background of whoever you’re getting yourself involved with and look out for histories of violence within the family.

3. Substance abuse

There are several cases of alcoholics and drug abusers being abusive. Abuse of drugs and alcohol makes it less likely for one to control their violent impulses. Reasoning is reduced so they become more impulsive. Substance abusers lack self-control and, because they are often not themselves, end up doing things they’d regret when they are sober. This indication would be clear most of the time, act on it!

1-green-finger4. Blame

A major reason why abuse goes on in a relationship is blame. The abuser blames his or her violent behaviours on their partner, saying it’s their partners fault that they are harming them. On the other side, in a number of cases we find that the abused also blame themselves for the abusers behaviour towards them. Telling themselves or others that if they didn’t act in a certain way they would not have been treated badly by their partner. Either way, it deeply affects the self-esteem of the abused and positively reinforces the abusers violent actions. It is important to note that no one else is to blame for our actions; only we are to blame. Never blame yourself for someone else’s bad actions. Beware if its always your fault when something goes wrong in your relationship, and when necessary it is vital you stand up for yourself.

These four signs are often obvious, so do not ignore them.

                                                              Do not be silent in abuse; speak out!

Domestic abuse occurs most of the time when the abuser believes he or she would get away with it. No one deserves to be in an abusive relationship and it can be prevented if we are all mindful of ourselves, our thoughts and our actions.