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The Gift of Friendship

There are big ships and small ships but the best ship of all is friendship!

friends

As humans, we are social beings and as such; we are interdependent on one another. No man is an island. We all need each other, no matter how individualistic some cultures tend towards or claim to be, they still depend on one or more people to survive. Relationships involve being connected or associated with others of the same kind. It could be family relationships, friendship or other forms.

Establishing and maintaining relationships is a major form of socialization found across all cultures.

Friendship is a form of relationship between two or more individuals with common affection, usually mutually benefiting and can be based on some similarities in terms of interest, values, environment or background.

Friendship is often based on mutual understanding, honesty, trust, empathy, compassion, affection, altruism, enjoyment of each other’s company, the ability to be one’s self or express one’s feelings and make mistakes without fear of being judged. Trust is the most important building block in any relationship. So in terms of friendship, trust is a vital factor in building true and long lasting friendships.

My friend is someone that I can fearlessly lay down my guards with.

freedom to be yourself

Friendship is a vital ingredient to success in life. The people you relate with can either ‘accelerate’ or ‘decelerate’ you in that, the people with whom you associate can aid you to progress or cause you to retrogress in life. Also, you are a reflection of your friend. This explains the popular saying:

“Show me your friend and I will tell you who you are”

This is because most of the time if not all, friends share similar values and behaviours.

Friendship also has to do with choice in that, it is not an imposition. You get to choose your own friends. However, you should be mindful about your choice of friends. The people you relate with generally fall under two categories namely: Lifters and downers. Lifters are those that will help you grow and improve, they are also known as adders or multipliers because they “add” to your life and help you become better. On the other hand, downers are those that stunt your growth and bring you down. They “subtract” from your life. This is why it is important to choose wisely.

 

Keep in mind that true friendship involves sharing. It is a “give and take” relationship where both parties are willing to make each other better.

A true friend sticks with you in good and bad times.

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Let’s always remember to celebrate our friends in this season of Love and always!

Follow @drmorayojimoh for more interesting updates on Love and relationships!

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Tips To Strengthen Family Ties

3d-happy-family-1

Which of these do you have more in your family?

Fights, Quarrels, Malice, Anger, Hatred, Jealousy, Mistrust, Unforgiveness and Fear?

OR

Peace, Trust, Love, Humour, Happiness, Joy, Forgiveness, Friendship, Care and Togetherness?

There is no perfect family, every family experiences good and bad times. No matter what holds in your family, the bond you share with the people with whom you have gotten a great percentage of your features and attributes from, will always need to be made stronger.

Looking at the family as a support system, it is expedient that we make it stronger so as to stand the test of time. Parents as well as children have a part to play towards strengthening the family ties.

Gaining tips to achieve this will be of great benefit in this month of Love and always. Here are some amazing tips to help strengthen your family ties.

Tip #1respect

Respect: respect is reciprocal- this old saying is so true even when it comes to family life, having mutual respect for one another in the home is necessary in building a strong family. Children having respect for parents, husband and wife having respect for each other, parents respecting their children and children respecting one another. When there is respect in the home it creates an atmosphere of being thought of as important.

Tip #2

Express Love: actions speak louder than words. A lot of families love each other in their hearts but never express it with actions. Let there be no boundaries when it comes to expressing Love to your family. Saying I love you is important and adding actions to it makes it even better. Deliberately do things for each other and let it become a habit.

Tip #3

Do things together: family playsome call it “family time”, making time to do things together as a family should not be downplayed. Let’s look at it this way, your family is the team you belong to and for you to win or score, you all have to work together. For your family to bond more, you have to do these more often: Laugh together, work together, eat together, play together, pray together, go for walks together, watch TV together etc.

Tip #4

Study each other: you may not have a Degree in Psychology but proximity affords you the opportunity to study your family members, at least the ones close to you. The reason for this is because the more you know about someone, the more you’ll better handle or live with such a person and vice versa.

Tip #5forgive1

Forgive easily: forgiving can be difficult sometimes but what unforgiveness does to you is even worse. So learn to forgive each other easily no matter what has happened, it might take a while but don’t let it take forever.

Tip #6

Treat your family specially: you are familiar with your family but that does not mean you should treat them with contempt as this is often the case. It’s sad to see people treat others better than they treat their own family members. this has to stop! Treat your dad, mom, brother, sisters and significant others specially. This will make your family stronger and knitted together.treat special

Tip #7

Use kind words: some call it “magic word” every family has one or more, it may be “please”, “am sorry” “excuse me” or “can you?” these are polite  statements which express something positive to the receiving party. Use these and more kind words with your family, it will grow tenderness and kindness in your hearts.

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Families are complicated yet wonderful and implementing these simple tips will help you strengthen your family ties. The beautiful thing is that it gets less complicated when you are knitted together in love.

“What can you do to promote world peace? Go home and love your family.”– Mother Teresa

 

You can join in our daily Love dare throughout the month of February by following @DrMorayoJimoh for more amazing updates.

 


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The 3 “Be”s to finding happiness within

internal dialogueGetting this promotion will make me the happiest person ever”

“I just need to seal this contract and all my dreams would have come true”

“Obtaining a PhD degree will give me satisfaction beyond measure”

“I love him so much, I can’t be happy without him”

These  statements whether as internal dialogue (conversations we have with ourselves) or while interacting with others, reveal what gives rise to happiness in our lives . It is common place to attach happiness, fulfillment and satisfaction to achievements, material possessions or significant others. Some people tie their happiness to the approval they get from friends and colleagues while others derive their worth and sense of self from the acceptance they receive from society. These statements become beliefs which are often held on to so rigidly such that falling short of them could lead to emotional problems. It is opined that when there is a large inconsistency between who we are (real) and who we would like to be (ideal), anxiety may result. When we make our happiness solely dependent on others, then our fate and destiny may as well  be  in their hands. In a sense, we have no control over what we feel and we allow other factors other than ourselves determine our happiness.

Should this be the case?  What then happens when the storms of life throw you off balance? Is happiness a function of your environment or YOU?

While it is very important to have goals, strive for achievements and accomplish great things in life, they should not be held on to as sources of happiness and fulfillment. Life is, most times unpredictable and to leave our emotions in its hands would be unwise.

How then can you find the silver lining in the cloud?  Very simple! Open your mind’s eye to the secrets below to experiencing moment by moment happiness:

Thankful hands1. Be thankful: Have a heart of gratitude! By being grateful for the little things in life, the air you breathe, the food you eat, the water you drink, and your health,  you will find happiness. These seemingly little things make life count and remain the basis of other achievements,after all it would be impossible to be at work or function effectively to achieve any goal when ill. Don’t forget that a thankful heart is a happy heart.

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2. Be Cheerful: Smile, Smile and Smile. Work out your happiness from inside out. Research shows that facial expressions can influence emotions felt. So even when  you are not in a good mood, Smile! Even when your boss demands more than is required from you, Smile! When your account is red, Smile! When you can’t seem to figure life out, Smile. Just Smile!

mindful

3. Be Mindful: By accepting your present status without judgment and by paying attention to the NOW, you can find happiness. You can be mindful each day of the week, by identifying 3 things that brightened your day and listing them out in a journal. You can also boost your mood by practicing mindfulness meditation. It is a beautiful and well rewarding practice that can boost positive emotions by guiding you into a calm state. You can find out more by registering for a FREE training on http://www.mobilehealthconsult.org. Here you will learn about mindful sitting, walking, eating and incorporating mindfulness into your daily activities.

Remember happiness is a DECISION that YOU are responsible for.

It is by Choice and not by Chance.

Be! and Be Happy!happiness-balloons


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Improve Your Thinking

Mental-health-007-300x180Our greatest friend and also our most devious enemy could easily be our own thoughts. It is the most sheltered part of our being and is who we really are. Both good and bad experiences shape our thought processes which in turn shape our perception of other people and the world around us. A majority of good experiences usually initiates more positive thoughts but bad experiences or stress could really adversely affect one’s thoughts and damage one’s view of life. More importantly, we find that our actions are usually extensions of our thoughts. Negative thoughts usually elicits negative actions. Therefore it is important that we monitor and pay attention to our thoughts.

Thought patterns

These are created when we have the same type of thoughts again and again, creating a habit of thinking in that particular
way. The battle we have withing ourselves have to do with these thought patterns because they determine how happy, confident and active we are each day. How ready we are to take on lifes challenges and hope for the future. This is when our thought patterns are in tune with our desires. As we know, sometimes our thoughts conflict with our desires. For example, someone who has a pessimistic view to life believes he or she is more likely to fail at a certain task at hand. However they are aware of how much joy they’d feel if they completed the task, but even this joy is usually not enough to eradicate their negative thoughts of failure. At the end of the day, if they let their negative thought pattern prevail, they end up quitting the task.No-Negativity-Stop-Negative-Thoughts-Coral-Springs-Counseling-Center

We all have the inner negative thoughts we have to battle when we set out minds to do something. Those thoughts that remind you of when you tried something similar in the past and you failed or reminds you of how you never get anything right or complete any tasks. These Automatic Negative Thoughts (ANTS), as neuropsychologist author Daniel Amen calls them, invade our minds usually when we are concerned about the outcome of an event to make us anxious by exaggerating the negative outcomes that could possibly happen and undermining our ability to deal with them. Negative thinking makes us focus on the negative things in life and magnify them while we filter out the brighter side. These negative thought patterns are especially difficult to get rid of because they are formed over time.But do not give up hope, they can be “killed” if we pay attention to our thoughts and realize that because we think something bad will happen does not make it true.

Thinking healthily

First realize that your mind is supposed to be your safe haven and your thoughts your best friend. It should be filled with positivity, encouragement and hope. We cannot control alot of external factors in our everyday lives, but we have, or should have, full control of our own thoughts.The quickest way to begin thinking healthily is to remove ‘absolutes’ from our thinking. Words such as ‘always’ and ‘never’ can be very harmful by causing you to give up and despair. “I always make the same mistake” “I can never do this” “I will be forever alone” Such thoughts encourage self pity, anxiety andpositive-people depression. Instead, though we realize our shortcomings, we should also acknowledge that we can indeed improve on them and be better. “I can never do this” should then become “This is very difficult, but since i have to do it i’m going to keep trying”. “I always make the same mistake” becomes “I make this same mistake a lot and i don’t like that, i’m going to try my best not to do so again”. This way you remind yourself that you can control the outcome and that you’re not powerless against the circumstances.

You also have to pay attention to your thoughts. Ask yourself what you think about the most each day and why. Trace the genesis of your most common thoughts and begin to break negative thought chains. This is a daily practice as thought patterns were also formed over time and are hard-wired in our minds. Each day as soon as we are conscious of a negative thought pattern we must redirect our thoughts in order not to further solidify such patterns. You’ll figure that there would be more room for innovative thoughts and ideas and a wider perspective in situations. Maintaining control over your thought patterns and having positive thoughts as much as you can is the basis of thinking healthily. 

Forgive yourself for your mistakes. Be satisfied with things you genuinely cannot change. Pay attention to your thoughts and stay positive.


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The Importance of being Honest

Take a moment and try to remember the last time you told a ‘small’ or a ‘white’ lie…

Do you remember how it felt?

Now, take another moment and try to remember the last time you told a major lie…

Do you remember how it felt?

If you were caught, can you recall how you felt at that time? Not a very good feeling I presume. person_ashamed1

Whatever the size of the lie, big or small, lying makes us feel uneasy. There’s a valid reason why Benjamin Franklin professed Honesty as the best policy. It affects us psychologically, emotionally and even physically. Here are a few points to emphasize the importance of being honest.

1. You become less anxious when you’re more honest. There’s no such thing as a relaxed liarrelaxed-woman
. Studies have found that lying triggers the release of stress hormones. These hormones make us anxious and increase our heart rates and blood pressure. Hence the more we lie, the more anxious and stressed we become. Honesty makes us more relaxed generally, psychically and mentally.

handshake2. Honesty improves self-confidence and trust. When we lie often, especially about ourselves, we get caught up in that fantasy that we become dissatisfied with our present selves and begin to lose confidence. It’s almost like one has to lie to look good, and deep down is aware of that. You begin to depend on lies instead of your ability to improve yourself and cope with the circumstances. In addition, others would soon begin to realize that you lie often and consequentially lose confidence in you and brand you as dishonest to others. You also begin to lose trust in yourself. On the other hand, an honest person is almost always acclaimed by his or her peers and has a lot of peoples trust. He would have a lot of responsibilities due to this trust, which will in turn boost his or her self confidence. Being honest makes us self-affirmed.

3. Honesty improves relationships. In all types of relationships, once trust is broken it is normally difficult to fix. laughing-coupleContinuous dishonesty goes the extra mile to damage almost every relationship you are in. This would be evident soon enough to make you unhappy and could cause you to sink into depression. Honesty does the exact opposite. It solidifies every relationship you’re involved in and improves the likelihood of you forming new good relationships with people you meet. Good relationships ultimately improves our overall happiness and well-being.

There is no little or ‘white’ lie. Habitual lying begins from lying about the little things and almost always ends up with one lying about the bigger things which could cause substantial damage in ones life. On your road to habitual honesty, start by telling the truth about the littlest things and in time you’d find that recourse is always telling the truth.

The truth shall set you free! That’s psychotherapy is very effective, it’s based on complete honesty. It’s the first step towards solving any problem. Be honest, with yourself and with others.

Life comes down to honesty and doing what’s right. That’s what’s most important.

– Bob Feller


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The Art of Goal-setting

If you feel you are not movingin the right direction in life, or you are confused about your future or you seem to be under-achieving then this post is specifically for you.

Everybody wants to be successful and it could be frustrating when things aren’t going our way or when we don’t feel in control of the progression of our lives. The answer is straightforward:

                                                                                                     The key to success is setting goals

Goal-setting in its own is an art, as it needs continuous rehearsal before one can fully yield and appreciate the benefits. Here are a few tips to effective goal-setting:

1. Write them down writing

The first and probably most important step to achieving your goals is to write them down. In a diary, on your phone, anywhere! Write them down in order as well. Preferably according to priority. Write them somewhere that is easily accessible so they act as a constant reminder of what you want.

sincere

2. Be sincere with yourself

Make sure these goals you’ve written down are what you really want and within your capacity. Know your limits. Ask yourself each day, “what can I do today to get me closer to my ultimate goal?” when you get the answer, DO IT.

3. Set clear goalsgoal_setting

Be specific when writing your goals. You shouldn’t just “want to be rich”, that’s not specific enough. Start step by step with reasonable and clear planning such as “in 3 months i would like to achieve X amount of money in my savings”. Write exactly what you want to achieve and when you want to achieve it. Set short-term goals and long-term goals as clearly as you can. Also be concise so you often have them all in mind.

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4. Tell a few close friends about it

Whether it’s family or your closest friends, tell them about your goals. The support you may get from them would help you and give you more confidence. They could also help by suggesting other ways to achieve your goals which you may not have realized. But don’t tell too many people as you could get carried away. Tell a few, maybe 2 or 3 close and positive people. It is important to keep positive people around you and stay focused.

5. Have a strong mindtop10_insults_mumpsimus

Once you have set a specific goal that you know you can achieve, hold it dearly. Refuse to be talked out of it. Do not be influenced by what others seem to be doing that’s working for them or people who tell you that you cannot do it. Stay focused.

6. Stay mindful of your progress

It is vital that you gauge your progress as often as you can. Whether by ticking boxes or cancelling your achievements. It enables you to complete short term goals and shows you how close or how far you really are from achieving long terms goals. This gives you a real view of your progress.

7. Set yourself up for success

Don’t distract yourself with other unnecessary things and don’t spend too much time in leisure. Discipline is very important if one is serious about achieving their goals. Put yourself in situations that will help you get a step closer to your goals. Places you go, people you meet, the things you discuss, what you wear and things you spend your time doing should all be pushing you to achieve your potential.

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The ‘Perfection’ illusion

perfectionIn life, we find that those people who are seeking for the “perfect” job, the “perfect” child, the “perfect” lover and so on are unhappy. This is because they are chasing shadows in the dark;”perfect” is an illusion. No job is perfect and neither your lover nor your child is or will be. It may be difficult to come to terms with, for some, but for most this is expected. One way of testing this is by asking yourself if something or someone can be improved. We find out that 99% of the time the answer is “yes, we can improve this – he or she can be even better”. This is not a pessimistic approach to life, but a realistic one. So most times we find that we have to compromise with life, amend our wants and embrace the reality. But not everyone is willing to do so and they often end up falling into depression or having anxiety disorders.

This happens because their NEED for perfection in whatever aspect of their life would not let them be happy. By way of illustration,  insisting whoever you meet must tick ALL your boxes before you move forward with them. Or you keep focusing on the one small mistake you made during a presentation which in reality was still brilliant regardless. To base your happiness on someone or something being perfect, even yourself, is just like tossing all your life savings into the ocean and hoping it will all float back. Nothing will ever be perfect so therefore your happiness would be ‘out of your control’. One of the easiest ways to fall into depression is believing you’re not in control of your own happiness.

????????????????????????????????Such a person would need to learn satisfaction. Being satisfied with your job or with someone helps you appreciate and enjoy the job or the person more. You’re not anxious that they’re not good enough or that they will never be perfect. You are aware of their imperfections and you’re satisfied with them that way. Focus only on the things you can change. Learn to live with the thing you can’t.

Note that being satisfied does not mean you should not aim for the best. In everything, do your best, then be satisfied. 

SATISFACTION, not PERFECTION, is the key to HAPPINESS.