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The Next Fix

NF 1It all starts with an innocent introduction to something new, something different from the usual and a way of escape from reality. It feels really good at first then you begin to need more and more of it… until you eventually realize that you cannot live without it and you’ll do anything to get the next fix.

Life offers so many things that can bring pleasure to us, food, drinks, games, shopping, sex, money and others. However, when we begin to abuse them, we are simply setting ourselves up for grave danger. To abuse something literally means to have an “Abnormal usage” of it. This implies that the same things that can bring you so much pleasure can destroy you when misused or when used abnormally.

You may enjoy doing certain things a whole lot but when your “need” for it becomes abnormal and interferes with your normal functioning, relationships & overall wellbeing, then it becomes an addiction.

“Without it you are not okay”

“If only you get it now, you will be fine again”

“Just one more, then another and yet another…”

NF 2It becomes addictive when “you cannot help it”. It somewhat over powers your will/ability to stop it and makes it difficult for you to function normally without it.

The reason why addicts always want more or a higher quantity is because their bodies develop dependence on the substance of abuse and because they want to constantly live in the euphoria as they may be unable to face reality.

From a Neuropsychological perspective, substance abusers seek to constantly alter their brain waves to become calmer, relaxed, focused, energetic, gain a sense of importance etc. by introducing substances  that are detrimental to their brain functions and overall health.  

Addiction creeps upon people slowly with enticing feelings of satisfaction but with wreckage on the long run. Search yourself, are you unknowingly addicted to something or becoming addicted to something? Find help at www.mobilehealthconsult.org

Kindly follow me on twitter @Drmorayojimoh for more eye opening updates on #AddictionHelp

 


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He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not…

“A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ comes together.

It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.”

-Dave Meurer

ringsMarriage is a sacred institution that signifies the joining of hearts and minds of a man and a woman in a union that is expected to last until death. This institution is most looked forward to by young adults as they desire to share their lives with their “true love”. Let’s pause a bit and look closely at the term “true love”. How true is this love that makes a man do anything to capture the heart of his damsel? Is there such a thing as fake love? What exactly is love in the confines of marriage? How would you define love?

Sometimes, we are confronted with the credibility of our spouse’s profession of love. When two people take vows to cherish and love each other forever, they, at that moment experience a rush of love or feelings that carry them on till a year or so. Research by James Spencer at Brigham Young University (1992) in a longitudinal study measuring marital quality, revealed that universally,  romantic love is experienced in the first year of marriage. After this period, the couple is soon faced with the reality of living with a completely different person from a different background with different interests and preferences. Arguments, conflicts and moments of angry outbursts may be common at this period which may question the veracity of the initial love professed at the time of taking solemn vows.

Does this sound familiar? If you are married I’m sure you can accede to the fact that marriage is not always a bed of roses. There are times of “up” and times of “down”. Times to laugh and cry, fight and make up, criticize and encourage, etc.

Based on a research by Campbell, Weiner-Davis, DeMaria, Harrar et al, Chris Garner proposed 5 stages of marriage which are:

1. The Enchantment phase:

This is otherwise known as the honey moon phase. This phase has been researched to last a year or two depending on when children arrive. It is a passion fueled phase with intense focus on attraction. Couples believe that they will live happily ever after much like the fairy tale stories of Cinderella and snow white. Excitement and euphoria characterize this stage and couples usually share similar interests. They can talk for long hours without getting tired. At this stage, all they want is to be together.

enchantment

2.  The Realization phase:

Feelings of euphoria wear off and couples realize how different they are. It is a time of disenchantment where they realize differences that exist between them. Power tussles, arguments and conflict over minor as well as major issues results. Remember the story of a couple who fought over how to squeeze toothpaste? This kind of scenario often occurs at this stage. Would it be sufficient to state that the love that once existed has gone sour?

realization3. The Acceptance phase:

At this phase, the differences observed are accepted. Each person begins to see the other person and accept him/her without being judgmental; after all it would be difficult to change the other person. Couples at this stage are able to work through the challenges they face.

acceptance

4. The Commitment phase:

Understanding, peace and harmony are characteristic features of this stage. This is a matured stage of a relationship that exists even when problems and conflicts arise. Couples have learnt to understand themselves and work through whatever comes their way through teamwork and cooperation. Each couple knows about the weaknesses of the other but choose to stay or commit themselves to them based on the strengths they have.

5. The Co-creation phase:

Couples who get to this stage look beyond themselves and extend their oneness to others. They are able to work together in unity to bring about impact in the lives of those around them. They are able to contribute their own quota to society by mentoring young ones and giving back in different ways.

With these 5 stages, how would you define love? Is it primarily the passion that comprises the enchantment stage, the intimacy of acceptance phase or the commitment of the commitment stage? The truth is a combination of all 3. This was proposed by Robert Sternberg in his Triarchic theory of love.

So, love basically is a mix of PASSION, INTIMACY and COMMITMENT.

Kindly follow @DrMorayoJimoh for more interesting updates on Love and Relationships.