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Trapped or Free?

ppp

Rose and Isaac fell so deeply in love with each other back in school. They decided to take their relationship a step further by getting married after 2 years of dating. They both had a perfect picture of what marriage would be like and often talked about all the sweet feelings they looked forward to. Rose felt she had what it takes to be a wife and Isaac likewise believed that he had what it takes to be a husband.

First year of their marriage seemed like a dream come true in every aspect. The next few years also had some sweetness and adventure. It went on like this for a while until things started to change gradually, the affectionate feelings started to dwindle and they both began capitalizing on each other’s flaws with their fights becoming more intense. At the 5th year of marriage, they could barely look each other in the eyes without having a flash of memories about each other’s wrong doings.

What went wrong?    

Let’s take a look at marriage for what it really is; Marriage is intended for companionship, mutual understanding, love, care, support and togetherness. It is a union where either party should be free to express and receive love. However, the focus should be more on giving rather than on expecting.

Wait a minute… more about giving? I thought  marriage was supposed to make ME happier, make ME feel more loved, Make ME smile, make ME fulfilled, make ME complete, make ME feel good about MYSELF or make ME enjoy life more.

Well, the truth regarding this is that marriage cannot make you happy if you haven’t found happiness within yourself yet. Neither can it fill up the emptiness you feel on your inside if you don’t love yourself enough. This is simply because the more you love yourself, the better a lover you can be to your spouse. So it isn’t totally about what you can get but about what you are capable of giving towards the success of your marriage.   

what you haveFor marriages to be truly fulfilling, couples need to be willing to put in a lot of conscious effort to make it work. Step out of the fairy tale fantasies about marriage every once in a while and work it out with your spouse. It is when you do so that you can really experience the happily ever after created by you of course!

When couples fail to play their part towards creating a healthy relationship with one another, one or both may tend to feel trapped in the marriage and resort to seeking a quick way out. Sadly this has become so common.

To improve the quality of your marriage, you must endeavor to be skilled in the following:

Forgive easily: There is absolutely no guarantee that your spouse won’t do something that can hurt you again and again and yet again… but don’t continue piling up unresolved conflicts that arise as a result of unforgiveness rather, be willing to forgive your spouse when he/she goes wrong no matter the cost. Ensure not to bring up past mistakes and never compare your spouse with someone else.  You really don’t need all the heart aches that build up as a result of unforgiveness and you find that you are happier when you forgive easily. If you are not willing to forgive easily then you are not ready to make your marriage work.

Make your communication effective: Couples need to be able to talk with each other about everything that concerns them. Talk about sex, talk about finances, talk about plans for the family and talk about your relationship with each other and how you both can improve on how you treat each other.

Be creative: Add spice to your marriage by becoming more creative in every aspect. Be less predictable and keep your spouse guessing. Invest your time and money into the success of your marriage.

happy-older-couple-111120Keep in mind that your marriage is what you make of it. So if you are willing to make it work, then learn to forgive your spouse easily, be creative and make your communication effective.

Kindly follow me on twitter @DrMorayoJimoh for more interesting updates.

 

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Keep it Hot!!!

“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times,

always with the same person”. –  Migon McLaughlin.

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Falling in love is mostly associated with the period of dating. This is when two people of the opposite sex connect and express love, care and have special feelings for each other. Although, this feeling is common in dating, married couples should however learn to fall in love again and again with each other in order to keep enjoying the marriage. Particularly, it refreshes the marriage and facilitates its success.

How can the flames of love be kept hot in marriage? Men and women have different expectations from each other. Fulfilling these expectations holds the key to the most successful and healthy marriages.

Women generally desire 3 A’s from men namely: Attraction, Attention and Affection.

  • Attraction- Always make her feel attracted to you. Watch your physical appearance. Have a nice hair cut that she likes. Keep yourself neat and tidy.

 

  • Attention- Ensure you spend quality time with her. Go out on special romantic dates. Take a vacation together and have a nice time. Every woman loves to get attention from her man. Listen with not only your ears but also with your eyes and heart when she wants to talk with you.

 

  • Affection- Men should whisper sweet words into the ears of their wives. Make an effort in satisfying her desires in actions. Don’t just say ‘I love you’. Make her feel loved and appreciated by your actions. Try to woo her again and again. This helps to rekindle the flames of love.hudband commu

Also, men want 3 R’s which are: Respect, Romance and Recognition.

  • Respect- This is vital to a man’s ego. A wife should accord her husband the respect needed and not bruise his ego. Make him feel respected and he will cherish, respect and love you.

 

  • Romance – Wives should also learn to keep up with the romance. Learn to spice things up in the bedroom. Put an extra effort to look attractive to him. Leave a short love note for him. Send him some romantic text messages.

 

  • Recognition- They should also learn to recognize and appreciate even the trivial things that husbands do such as helping out with the selection of clothes and some household  chores.Care-husband

“Let the wife make the husband glad to come home,

and let him make her sorry to see him leave”- Martin Luther.

The more you invest in love, the more you grow in love. The presence of your partner excites and thrills you. You would not like to see him/her leave.

Never let the fire of love fizzle out.

Keep it hot!


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What’s Love Got To Do With It?

whats loveI’m sure the title may have got you dancing and reminded you of the song by Tina Turner. Have you ever wondered what love has got to do with Valentine? Has it ever crossed your mind? We mention Valentine and associate the word with love. We celebrate the holiday, give gifts, roses, cards, show love and for most of us, we have no clue as to why? Is valentine a person or place? Let’s see what history says. Many stories have been found to represent why we celebrate valentine. Actually, Valentine is the name of a person and record has it that there were three people named Valentine in the history of the Roman Catholic Church.

Story 1
During a period of invasion in Rome, Emperor Claudius put a ban on marriages. He did this, believing that single men made better soldiers. However, a priest named Valentine who believed in love and marriage, secretly married couples. He was found out by the Emperor who eventually beheaded him on February 14th. It was said that he gave up his life for the love of love and the love of God.

Story 2Valentine
Another Valentine is rumored to have been imprisoned from worshipping God as the Emperor at the time commanded everyone to worship 12 Roman Gods. While in prison, the jailer requested that he bring his blind daughter to learn under his tutelage. Valentine agreed and taught about arithmetic, nature and also God. One day, the jailer’s daughter asked whether God could heal her, and valentine said yes. He prayed for her and she was healed. On the eve of his death, he wrote a note to her and urged her to keep close to God and signed “from your valentine”. The next day which was February 14th, he was executed. Some rumored that he fell in love with his captor’s daughter.”
Story 3
It is also believed that the holiday has its roots in the pagan festival of Lupercalia- a fertility festival dedicated to Faunus, Romulus, and Remus, founders of Rome, which held on the 15th of February. In the 5th century, Pope Gelasius declared that February 14th was St. Valentine’s Day and outlawed Lupercalia, calling it un-Christian.

 

love round

Irrespective of which story holds true, Valentine’s Day became associated with the idea of love. It is seen as a day to show love, care and affection. This includes but is not to limited to opposite sex relationships. This day can also be regarded as one to extend a hand of love to the less privileged and show love to family and friends. Someone once said,  “love makes the world go round”. The world can become a better place if we truly love each other. There would be a decline in wars, terrorism and violence.

As Valentine’s day draws near, make up your mind to love and show that you love.

Love yourself,

Love others and

Remember that love has everything to do with it!

love 2

For interesting tips to spice up this love season, follow @drmorayojimoh for updates. If you are following the #LoveDare, kindly make comments or share your experiences with us.