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To Love Mindfully

valentine

“…When mindfulness embraces those we love, they will bloom like flowers”

-Thich Nhat Hanh

We all have our fantasies when it comes to being in relationships, be it in dating, courtship or in marriage. It could be a deep desire to be treated with so much love from our partners but this may not always be the case. Certainly, relationships can have its share of ups & downs, good & bad times, happy memories & painful ones as well but above all, the success of any relationship is largely dependent on how such a relationship is being handled by the parties involved. When there are unchecked deficits on the part of either or both parties with regards to how they treat each other, such relationships may be headed for the rocks on the long run.

It’s valentine once again and lovers all around the world seem to be getting more and more creative on how to express their love and bring happiness to their partners/spouses with special gifts, love notes/letters, surprises, romantic dates and so much more.

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Be as creative as you can this valentine to touch the heart of your special one with everything you say and do!

But do you know that it could be so much more wonderful if it extends beyond Valentine’s day?

Yes, it sure can!

It is by loving mindfully. Which implies that you become more intentional about how you treat your partner/spouse DAILY as opposed to being mindless every other day. Being mindful about loving your special one will involve deliberately gaining more “awareness” of him/her as much as possible by paying attention and studying him/her wholly so as to become more responsive to his/her own peculiar needs.

Here is a daily love challenge that will involve you and your partner/spouse to be more mindful about how you express love to each other for the next 30 days.

Get him/her involved and make a commitment to each other today to mindfully DO something special or UNEXPECTED for yourselves every day.

Try not to be predictable and keep him/her guessing.

It is really not in the volume of what you do but in the thoughtfulness.

Feel free to share your experiences with us and extend the challenge days until it becomes a daily practice. You’ll find that both of you will become closer, more affectionate and fulfilled in the relationship as you treat each other better everyday!

Remember, NEVER stop treating each other in a special way!

Happy Valentine from all of us at Mobile Heath Consult. You can join the conversation as we celebrate love this February by following me on twitter @DrMorayoJimoh.

happy-valentines-day

 

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Much More Than Roses

loveGiving or expecting valentine gifts anytime soon? Well, this time let’s do something entirely different for our loved ones. You may wish to wrap up your gifts nicely as planned but kindly have them tucked away for a moment as we undergo a short trip into our hearts.

To do this, you’ll have to be completely honest with each other in a non-judgmental and non-blame way.

Map out a plan to spend quality time with your loved one to totally open up your deepest thoughts and feelings about your relationship with him/her. Share memories from when you first met, the first times special things happened between both of you, how he/she made you feel, what attracted you to him/her, your hopes and dreams about each other, promises made to each other and much more.

Next, remind each other about the journey so far, about how well the relationship has fared, how well you were able to keep the promises made or not, remember the challenging moments, remember the success stories, remember the times you almost gave up or when you broke up and made up again, remember the conversations, the special and not so special moments too.

Now, to the present moment, give yourself a sincere answer to this question;

Has this relationship made me a better person?

Sincerely analyze the current state of your relationship,

Are you satisfied with it?

Ask each other questions about your relationship, this is the time to search deep within your hearts and resolve every form of strife, misunderstanding and differences between both of you. The following questions might be of help:

  • Have I changed in any way from the man/woman you fell in love with?
  • What particular aspects have I faltered?
  • What areas have I lived up to expectations?
  • What are those things that you cherish about us?
  • How can you help me improve and love you better?
  • What are the exact things you want more of?
  • What are the exact things you want me to stop doing?
  • How can I please you more?

couple-talkingThis will open your eyes to many things you may have taken for granted about each other and if properly done, this appraisal can be life transforming for both of you. Take it a step further by noting down the action points from this powerful conversation with your loved one and delve into action immediately. This will make you more conscious of how you treat each other every day.

You can have conversations like this on a monthly basis, yearly or on your anniversaries.

You can now proceed to opening your gifts for each other and enjoy a beautiful Valentine together.

For more juicy extracts on #Lovetalks, follow me on twitter @Drmorayojimoh.

Happy Valentine’s day from all of us at Mobile Heath Consult.

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Friends Make Better Lovers

man-and-woman-gamingBeing in love is one of the greatest gifts of life. The sharing of affectionate feelings with one another is a vital part of our human experience. No one can live without a measure of love in their life. This is because of our innate need to interact and form bonds with one another. Love consists of companionship, commitment, mutual respect, understanding, harmony, intimacy, communication, honesty, openness and more. Above all, friendship binds all these attributes together.

Friendship has a huge role to play in the success of a relationship. When people are not satisfied with their relationships, they often demand for more such as more intimacy, commitment, honesty, companionship and more. Little do they know that friendship encompasses all of that!

love-couple-imagesWhen you are really friends with each other, you’ll experience a more fulfilling love life where intimacy is deeper, commitment is stronger, communication is fantastic, and you are more open with each other. When you truly accept each other regardless of your flaws and focus more on your strengths you’ll find it much easier to forge stronger bonds.

Being friends with each other is simply doing what friends do!

So what do friends do?

Friends know each other

Friends talk with each other

Friends play together

Friends care about each other

Friends enjoy each other’s company

Friends protect each other

Friends share with each other

Friends make & keep special memories

Friends give to each other

Friends meet each other’s needs

Friends cherish their relationship

Friends spend quality time with each other

Friends encourage each other

Friends don’t judge each other

 Building a successful relationship involves actively seeking out ways to be better.  It may involve doing just about anything to keep the fire burning brighter and on the long run, keep the relationship free from the unnecessary fatigue that can set in after time takes its toll.

love-hug1In a nutshell, do EVERYTHING that friends do to become better lovers!

Remember to follow me on twitter @drmorayojimoh for more fun updates on #Lovetalks.


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He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not…

“A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ comes together.

It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.”

-Dave Meurer

ringsMarriage is a sacred institution that signifies the joining of hearts and minds of a man and a woman in a union that is expected to last until death. This institution is most looked forward to by young adults as they desire to share their lives with their “true love”. Let’s pause a bit and look closely at the term “true love”. How true is this love that makes a man do anything to capture the heart of his damsel? Is there such a thing as fake love? What exactly is love in the confines of marriage? How would you define love?

Sometimes, we are confronted with the credibility of our spouse’s profession of love. When two people take vows to cherish and love each other forever, they, at that moment experience a rush of love or feelings that carry them on till a year or so. Research by James Spencer at Brigham Young University (1992) in a longitudinal study measuring marital quality, revealed that universally,  romantic love is experienced in the first year of marriage. After this period, the couple is soon faced with the reality of living with a completely different person from a different background with different interests and preferences. Arguments, conflicts and moments of angry outbursts may be common at this period which may question the veracity of the initial love professed at the time of taking solemn vows.

Does this sound familiar? If you are married I’m sure you can accede to the fact that marriage is not always a bed of roses. There are times of “up” and times of “down”. Times to laugh and cry, fight and make up, criticize and encourage, etc.

Based on a research by Campbell, Weiner-Davis, DeMaria, Harrar et al, Chris Garner proposed 5 stages of marriage which are:

1. The Enchantment phase:

This is otherwise known as the honey moon phase. This phase has been researched to last a year or two depending on when children arrive. It is a passion fueled phase with intense focus on attraction. Couples believe that they will live happily ever after much like the fairy tale stories of Cinderella and snow white. Excitement and euphoria characterize this stage and couples usually share similar interests. They can talk for long hours without getting tired. At this stage, all they want is to be together.

enchantment

2.  The Realization phase:

Feelings of euphoria wear off and couples realize how different they are. It is a time of disenchantment where they realize differences that exist between them. Power tussles, arguments and conflict over minor as well as major issues results. Remember the story of a couple who fought over how to squeeze toothpaste? This kind of scenario often occurs at this stage. Would it be sufficient to state that the love that once existed has gone sour?

realization3. The Acceptance phase:

At this phase, the differences observed are accepted. Each person begins to see the other person and accept him/her without being judgmental; after all it would be difficult to change the other person. Couples at this stage are able to work through the challenges they face.

acceptance

4. The Commitment phase:

Understanding, peace and harmony are characteristic features of this stage. This is a matured stage of a relationship that exists even when problems and conflicts arise. Couples have learnt to understand themselves and work through whatever comes their way through teamwork and cooperation. Each couple knows about the weaknesses of the other but choose to stay or commit themselves to them based on the strengths they have.

5. The Co-creation phase:

Couples who get to this stage look beyond themselves and extend their oneness to others. They are able to work together in unity to bring about impact in the lives of those around them. They are able to contribute their own quota to society by mentoring young ones and giving back in different ways.

With these 5 stages, how would you define love? Is it primarily the passion that comprises the enchantment stage, the intimacy of acceptance phase or the commitment of the commitment stage? The truth is a combination of all 3. This was proposed by Robert Sternberg in his Triarchic theory of love.

So, love basically is a mix of PASSION, INTIMACY and COMMITMENT.

Kindly follow @DrMorayoJimoh for more interesting updates on Love and Relationships.


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Spice Up Your Love! 


couple-hugging-each-other-bench

If you were to think about one special person in your life right now, who will that be? My guess is the one you refer to as your; “Honey”, “Sweet heart”, “Darling”, “Love” “Valentine”, “Sweetie” or maybe some other special names you have coined for yourselves probably in your local language or some other foreign language. It’s a wonderful feeling to know that someone holds you special in their heart regardless of your flaws.

Relationships are powerful and therapeutic. Just think about it, having someone to talk to after a hard day’s work, or having someone who cares about you and how every single minute of your day is being spent. What about knowing that there is someone special who can listen to you when others may seem not to pay attention, or even being able to share your deepest thoughts and feelings openly with someone who understands and is willing to make you a better person.

Love makes life beautiful and being in a healthy relationship adds color to your life. Relationships are like plants which require good soil, sunlight, water and some other nutrients to flourish. A farmer knows very well that he has to water his seeds consistently before they begin to blossom and produce a bountiful harvest for him.  Often time, people only get excited at the onset of their relationship (first few dates) but soon experience some form of dryness or “boringness” in the relationship and may even opt for a new one with a different person with the hope that the “excitement” they seek may be restored again. Sadly, this cycle goes on and on.

Relationships require work and time- by way of watering the relationship (Like the farmer waters his seeds) thereby flaming the embers of love.

Here are some powerful ways to spice up your relationship

  1. Communicate more: in relationships, communication is key. You should be able to talk about EVERYTHING! Nothing should be too difficult to talk about and this should be cultivated at the beginning of your relationship.

If you want be my lover, you have to first be my friend!

Talk openly about the things you are not comfortable with in the relationship as well as how both of you can make things better. Talk about the things you love about your partner and also what you love about the relationship. Talk about things that are peculiar to both of you as well as what applies generally.

Endeavour to study the verbal and non-verbal communication of one another.

  1. Play together: when last did you play like a child? My guess is as good as yours. There is a time for everything, a time to work and a time to play!play The beautiful thing about play is that you get to laugh about the silly things that happen and you also get to break the walls that lie between you and your partner. Take on the challenge to play  hide and seek or any other childhood game you remember as often as you can.
  2. Add some adventure to your dates: Going out on a date? picnic dateDo something different each time. Spice your outings with surprises and adventures. If you do more of restaurants and places that require a table for two setting, try going on a picnic for a change. You have to plan properly for this- here is a tip: make a list of all that will be needed for the picnic and divide it into two parts- one will contain things that you will come along with while the other will be a list of what your partner is to come along with. You can also see a movie together at a different cinema, go site seeing or do some other activities that will thrill you and your partner.
  3. Forgive easily: In relationships, unforgiveness is a major issue that can result in building very thick walls between partners. Learn to forgive each other easily. You will always reap the benefits.

In relationships, the first to apologize is the bravest. The first to forgive is the strongest. The first to move forward is the happiest!

  1. Be creative: If you are willing to add more spice to your relationship, then you have to be creative. Do something unexpected for your partner everyday and let it become a part of you. Soon, you’ll notice how much more spicy your relationship will become!Lovesign21

Remember that every good relationship requires effort to be successful. Practice the outlined ideas and share with us your experience and some you have thought of as well.

Kindly follow @drmorayojimoh for more wonderful updates on Love and Relationships.

 


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What’s your love language?

love language 1Love has many definitions. However, to some people the word does not even exist or may be thought of as just a mirage. To some, love is seen as a warm feeling of affection towards others, while to others it may be considered as the butterflies in one’s stomach at the sight of a loved one.  Love may also be thought of as an unconditional commitment to an imperfect person. This last definition reveals love as unconditional; that is a person is loved and showed love regardless of who the person is or what he has.

There are many ways of showing the commitment to love. By caring, speaking kind words, being polite, giving, sharing and other displays of love.  Gary Chapman, a counselor has enumerated 5 ways of showing love, which he termed as love languages. These include:

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#LoveLanguage1- Gifts: However inexpensive or expensive, people whose love language is gift giving engage in it and expect others to do the same. They feel most loved when a person surprises them with a gift every now and then. This is quite different from those who are materialistic that is more focused on what they can get in cash or kind from the other  partner. Such individuals appreciate the thoughtfulness of the giver.gifts

#LoveLanguage2- Acts of Service: “How can I help you?” and “Let me do this for you” are questions that are ever on the lips of those who speak love through kind gestures. They desire to express love by assisting others and feel loved if they are as well.  Simple acts as such as trashing the waste bin, cooking a meal, arranging the living room, washing clothes etc. are simple acts that such individuals prefer.acts-of-service

#LoveLanguage3- Touch: This language refers to sexual or physical intimacy. A person whose primary language is physical touch appreciates and feels loved when they are given hugs, pats on the back, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face. They see these as a show of concern, care, and love.  More often, such people are also quick to communicate such gestures.hugs

#LoveLanguage4- Words of affirmation: Words they say are powerful. People whose love language is words of affirmation thrive on the positive words spoken to them by loved ones. Words that approve of them,  express acceptance and validation are expected. Compliments, constructive words, kind words, words of encouragements are ways of expressing words as a love language. Saying “I love you”, “You are the best”, “You made my day”, “You look awesome” etc., a million times achieves the desired effect and even more each time it is said.

words of affirmation

#LoveLanguage5- Quality time: Are you always complaining that your loved ones and friends don’t visit you? Are you eager to spend time with your family? Then, maybe your love language is quality time. For people whose love language is quality time, there is a craving to spend  secluded time with loved ones. At such times, they expect undivided and complete concentration of their friends or loved ones at that time.

quality time

So which love language do you speak?

One. Two. Three. Four. All

You may speak more than one, but if you look closely, there’s always one primary love  language that you express and expect.  You may also find out the love language of your spouse, loved one or friend and START SPEAKING IT!

Discover your love language by clicking HERE

 Kindly follow us @drmorayojimoh for more tips this love season.. Show some love today and speak the right language!

 


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LOVE is an ACTION Word!

 

love3The time of the year when “I Love You” is being said the most all around the world is on Valentine’s day do you agree?

Hurray! It’s Valentine and of course, Love is in the air everywhere. Flowers, chocolates and other special gifts are being delivered to loved ones.

Some call it Lovers day as it is common to see lovers go to special places to relax and enjoy each other’s company. Others may use it as an opportunity to show Love to the less privileged and some may also choose to use it as a day to review their marriage vows. In all, LOVE is the aim.

So, what does Love mean to you? Some believe that love is that ‘special feeling’ you get when you are with someone you care about. For some others, it is going out of your way to please or help others in need. While some believe that Love is sacrifice and another group may believe that Love starts and ends with saying special words to someone.

There are many definitions of Love quite alright and you may have your personalized definition as well but let’s look at it as having more to do with actions. This implies that expressing love will always have to be more than mere words. So, saying I Love You alone is not sufficient. It has to be reflected in our actions to others and this has to do with both males and females expressing Love by actions.

The actions of Love simply involves giving to another. Money and gifts maybe first on our minds when we talk about giving. It’s definitely part of it but not entirely. ro102-love-is-givingThere are other resources that can make the big differences in our love lives. Such as the resource that is given to everyone in equal measure –“Time”. All your loved one may want from you could be quality time to spend together which will be worth more than all the money and gifts you can shower.

Also, there are other ways you can express love by your actions such as doing something unexpected for the other- be creative! And explore all options towards performing actions of love this season and always.

Remember that LOVE is an action word. As you celebrate February 14th this year, do something different this Valentine and everyday afterwards.

Kindly follow @drmorayojimoh for more interesting updates on Love and Relationships throughout the month of February. Don’t forget to be a part of our #LoveDare. We would love for you to share your experiences with us!

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Happy Valentine’s Day! From Mobile Health Consult.