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What’s Love Got To Do With It?

whats loveI’m sure the title may have got you dancing and reminded you of the song by Tina Turner. Have you ever wondered what love has got to do with Valentine? Has it ever crossed your mind? We mention Valentine and associate the word with love. We celebrate the holiday, give gifts, roses, cards, show love and for most of us, we have no clue as to why? Is valentine a person or place? Let’s see what history says. Many stories have been found to represent why we celebrate valentine. Actually, Valentine is the name of a person and record has it that there were three people named Valentine in the history of the Roman Catholic Church.

Story 1
During a period of invasion in Rome, Emperor Claudius put a ban on marriages. He did this, believing that single men made better soldiers. However, a priest named Valentine who believed in love and marriage, secretly married couples. He was found out by the Emperor who eventually beheaded him on February 14th. It was said that he gave up his life for the love of love and the love of God.

Story 2Valentine
Another Valentine is rumored to have been imprisoned from worshipping God as the Emperor at the time commanded everyone to worship 12 Roman Gods. While in prison, the jailer requested that he bring his blind daughter to learn under his tutelage. Valentine agreed and taught about arithmetic, nature and also God. One day, the jailer’s daughter asked whether God could heal her, and valentine said yes. He prayed for her and she was healed. On the eve of his death, he wrote a note to her and urged her to keep close to God and signed “from your valentine”. The next day which was February 14th, he was executed. Some rumored that he fell in love with his captor’s daughter.”
Story 3
It is also believed that the holiday has its roots in the pagan festival of Lupercalia- a fertility festival dedicated to Faunus, Romulus, and Remus, founders of Rome, which held on the 15th of February. In the 5th century, Pope Gelasius declared that February 14th was St. Valentine’s Day and outlawed Lupercalia, calling it un-Christian.

 

love round

Irrespective of which story holds true, Valentine’s Day became associated with the idea of love. It is seen as a day to show love, care and affection. This includes but is not to limited to opposite sex relationships. This day can also be regarded as one to extend a hand of love to the less privileged and show love to family and friends. Someone once said,  “love makes the world go round”. The world can become a better place if we truly love each other. There would be a decline in wars, terrorism and violence.

As Valentine’s day draws near, make up your mind to love and show that you love.

Love yourself,

Love others and

Remember that love has everything to do with it!

love 2

For interesting tips to spice up this love season, follow @drmorayojimoh for updates. If you are following the #LoveDare, kindly make comments or share your experiences with us.

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The Gift of Friendship

There are big ships and small ships but the best ship of all is friendship!

friends

As humans, we are social beings and as such; we are interdependent on one another. No man is an island. We all need each other, no matter how individualistic some cultures tend towards or claim to be, they still depend on one or more people to survive. Relationships involve being connected or associated with others of the same kind. It could be family relationships, friendship or other forms.

Establishing and maintaining relationships is a major form of socialization found across all cultures.

Friendship is a form of relationship between two or more individuals with common affection, usually mutually benefiting and can be based on some similarities in terms of interest, values, environment or background.

Friendship is often based on mutual understanding, honesty, trust, empathy, compassion, affection, altruism, enjoyment of each other’s company, the ability to be one’s self or express one’s feelings and make mistakes without fear of being judged. Trust is the most important building block in any relationship. So in terms of friendship, trust is a vital factor in building true and long lasting friendships.

My friend is someone that I can fearlessly lay down my guards with.

freedom to be yourself

Friendship is a vital ingredient to success in life. The people you relate with can either ‘accelerate’ or ‘decelerate’ you in that, the people with whom you associate can aid you to progress or cause you to retrogress in life. Also, you are a reflection of your friend. This explains the popular saying:

“Show me your friend and I will tell you who you are”

This is because most of the time if not all, friends share similar values and behaviours.

Friendship also has to do with choice in that, it is not an imposition. You get to choose your own friends. However, you should be mindful about your choice of friends. The people you relate with generally fall under two categories namely: Lifters and downers. Lifters are those that will help you grow and improve, they are also known as adders or multipliers because they “add” to your life and help you become better. On the other hand, downers are those that stunt your growth and bring you down. They “subtract” from your life. This is why it is important to choose wisely.

 

Keep in mind that true friendship involves sharing. It is a “give and take” relationship where both parties are willing to make each other better.

A true friend sticks with you in good and bad times.

 Friendship_quotes_004

Let’s always remember to celebrate our friends in this season of Love and always!

Follow @drmorayojimoh for more interesting updates on Love and relationships!


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A mother’s love: Love like no other

mothers loveIt’s February, the month of love, when we celebrate valentine. As in the last article, family is truly where love starts from. A person cannot give what he or she does not have as such, even as family is the first agent of socialization, it is also the first place where a person learns what love means. Right from birth, the attachment a child has with the mother is very crucial in the formation of interpersonal relationships with others in future. There is really nothing like the love between a mother and a new born infant. Such love is revealed in touch, stares, caring, sucking and feeding. While these activities go on, the child may either learn to trust or mistrust the care giver. Babies of responsive mothers develop trust while babies of unresponsive mothers may develop mistrust.

This may seem like a whole lot of psychology, but research shows that attachment in childhood influences personality and interpersonal relationships in adulthood. Just like a newborn infant seeks attention, we older “babies” are no different. Love thrives on attention. The amount of time you spend with your loved one be it your friend, spouse or family member determines the quality of such a relationship.

The best inheritance a parent can give to his children is a few minutes of their time each day– M. Grundlermothers love 2

Extending love to the younger generation contributes a lot to our own fulfillment as adults. Extending your attention, care, love, time and resources to your child or another leaves a lasting impact on that life which may culminate into eventual success.

The mother-child love is so strong that it comes with a lot of benefits. An enormous amount of literature and research have highlighted some of the following as benefits of a secure and strong bonding between a mother and a child.. You would love this:

  • Children grow up to become sociable with good interpersonal skills and less aggressive behaviors.
  • Strong bond determines whether a child develops a stable romantic relationship later in life.
  • Exposure to less stress occurring as a result of consistent responses to your child’s cries and frustrations optimizes brain development. On the other hand, high levels of stress may result in irreversible brain damage.
  • Children with a securely attached parenting are able to control their emotions.
  • They have a positive self-concept and high self esteem.
  • As adults, they are able to make positive assumptions about others as such they have better relationships.
  • When relating with others, they engage in more helping behaviors such as showing gratitude, appreciation, care, comfort, and volunteering.mom-kisses-child1

The above mentioned can only be made possible through a responsive parenting and bond between a caregiver and a child. The reverse is usually the case when parents are absent, negligent or abusive.

One way you can be more responsive to your child’s needs is by monitoring your child’s progress.

As the cell is to the body, so is the family to the society. You can learn more tips on parenting by following @drmorayojimoh on twitter.

 

 


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Family Ties

“Family is the most important thing in the world.”Princess Diana

 familyThey have watched you laugh, cry, win or fail at different points in your life. They have seen you at your worst and best, they have shared in your joy and pain. They know and understand your strengths and weaknesses and they may seem to criticize you the most. You didn’t choose them and you can’t forget them in a hurry but out of all the people in this world, they are the ones that probably know, understand and accept you the most – Your family! Yes, your father, mother, sister, brother, spouse, children and significant others. They are the ones who will be with you in times of crises, celebration, mourning and even at death.

“Rejoice with your family in the beautiful land of life!”- Albert Einstein

 Every family is different, what applies to one family may not apply to another. It’s the uniqueness of your family that makes it special. You should cherish your family even with all the imperfections that forms part of it. The obvious truth is that there really is no perfect family no matter how perfect they may seem to the outside people. Every family  has their own challenges as well as strengths. Here’s a tip;

 Take time out to appreciate the positive sides of your family while refusing to mull over the negative aspects of your family. family 1

“When trouble comes, it’s your family that supports you.” – Guy Lafleur

 As humans,we have a  strong need to love and be loved and the family is usually the first platform where love is expressed such as in caring for and sharing with one another. The bond that ties your family together is not just blood, but more of the shared joy, love, memories and respect for each other. It’s the reason why you love your brother, sister or others in your family regardless of how much you have fought with them in the past or their weaknesses.

“A man travels the world over in search of what he needs, and returns home to find it.” –  George Moore

 We have a responsibility to our family to keep it strong and knitted together in love. Doing this requires a daily effort on our part to invest in our family with our time, gifts and other resources.

Family ties are precious threads, no matter where we roam,

 They draw us close to those we love, and pull our hearts toward home.

“Love begins at home and its not how much we do, but how much love we put into that action”.- Mother Teresa

Welcome to the month of February, the season of love.loveEvery day this month… (and of course other months), make a conscious effort to put a smile on a family member’s face!

Love starts with you.


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The Importance of being Honest

Take a moment and try to remember the last time you told a ‘small’ or a ‘white’ lie…

Do you remember how it felt?

Now, take another moment and try to remember the last time you told a major lie…

Do you remember how it felt?

If you were caught, can you recall how you felt at that time? Not a very good feeling I presume. person_ashamed1

Whatever the size of the lie, big or small, lying makes us feel uneasy. There’s a valid reason why Benjamin Franklin professed Honesty as the best policy. It affects us psychologically, emotionally and even physically. Here are a few points to emphasize the importance of being honest.

1. You become less anxious when you’re more honest. There’s no such thing as a relaxed liarrelaxed-woman
. Studies have found that lying triggers the release of stress hormones. These hormones make us anxious and increase our heart rates and blood pressure. Hence the more we lie, the more anxious and stressed we become. Honesty makes us more relaxed generally, psychically and mentally.

handshake2. Honesty improves self-confidence and trust. When we lie often, especially about ourselves, we get caught up in that fantasy that we become dissatisfied with our present selves and begin to lose confidence. It’s almost like one has to lie to look good, and deep down is aware of that. You begin to depend on lies instead of your ability to improve yourself and cope with the circumstances. In addition, others would soon begin to realize that you lie often and consequentially lose confidence in you and brand you as dishonest to others. You also begin to lose trust in yourself. On the other hand, an honest person is almost always acclaimed by his or her peers and has a lot of peoples trust. He would have a lot of responsibilities due to this trust, which will in turn boost his or her self confidence. Being honest makes us self-affirmed.

3. Honesty improves relationships. In all types of relationships, once trust is broken it is normally difficult to fix. laughing-coupleContinuous dishonesty goes the extra mile to damage almost every relationship you are in. This would be evident soon enough to make you unhappy and could cause you to sink into depression. Honesty does the exact opposite. It solidifies every relationship you’re involved in and improves the likelihood of you forming new good relationships with people you meet. Good relationships ultimately improves our overall happiness and well-being.

There is no little or ‘white’ lie. Habitual lying begins from lying about the little things and almost always ends up with one lying about the bigger things which could cause substantial damage in ones life. On your road to habitual honesty, start by telling the truth about the littlest things and in time you’d find that recourse is always telling the truth.

The truth shall set you free! That’s psychotherapy is very effective, it’s based on complete honesty. It’s the first step towards solving any problem. Be honest, with yourself and with others.

Life comes down to honesty and doing what’s right. That’s what’s most important.

– Bob Feller


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The Horoscope Hoax

Horoscope_newspaperWe’ve all heard about horoscopes, right? Were our futures are foretold and our love matches are made as a result of the movements of cosmic planets and so on. One may suggest this was more popular in ancient times when the world was rather naive, but you can be assured that people in modern times believe in horoscopes now probably more than those in the past and seldom fail to check what “fate” has in store for them each day.

Research has often suggested that these ‘predictions’ from horoscopes are just generalized, ambiguous and often feel-good. Some people are aware that it’s not necessarily genuine, yet still read their horoscope as it tells them what they want to hear or gives them some sense of hope, security or assurance which we humans naturally yearn for. Also, it calms ones fear of the unknown future which often makes us anxious. The validity on the other hand is still highly questionable. No surprise as it’s called pseudopsychology, ‘pseudo’ meaning ‘false’. However some will also argue that each time their ‘star sign’ described their day it usually happens that way. Or in areas of relationships, they genuinely believe that they are more compatible with a particular star sign, just as their horoscope suggests.

What happens is as we read these horoscopes before our day starts, it generally becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy where we act, or understand events, having what we have read at the back of our minds. At the end of the day, it seems like the horoscope’s prediction was spot on. We are more likely to detect it’s inaccuracy when we read them at the end of the day, when the events of the day have already unfolded. Even at that, we find people using horoscopes to make sense of a situation that occurred during the day.

Horoscopes are very much an important part of peoples’ lives, so how do you stop people from deceiving themselves? Most times you can’t. We find that some people want to believe that they have no control over their lives, that everything is pre-destined ,so they just ‘go with the flow’. This train of thought could also be harmful as lack of control usually leads to psychological disorders. Moreover, people also take it too far by making major life decisions based on their horoscopes. However, as mentioned earlier, horoscopes give us some sense of assurance and a ‘window into the possible future’ which makes life easier for some.

Caught up in the horoscope hoax?

Here’s a trick, read all star signs’ horoscopes like they are yours.

Do this properly and you’d find that most of them can be applied to you. Simply because they are often generalized and ambiguous!

comic_8_30_07_horoscope


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Still single due to mistrust?

mistrustMistrust often occurs as a result of negative past experiences either with parents, lovers or someone once trusted in the past. The pain caused by that person’s “betrayal” tends to create a significant level of anxiety which deters people from having confidence in another. This reaction although logical could drastically hinder interpersonal relationships and could ultimately destroy, if not prevent, romantic relationships. A number of people, probably more common in women, prefer to stay away from romantic relationships in order to prevent emotional dependence on another as that would leave them vulnerable to the pain of heartbreak. This anxiety, among other set-backs, could lead to depression and loneliness. However, if you are single due to trust issues it is not the end of the world. There are some solutions which could help your situation.

1. Trust yourself. People often blame themselves when they have been betrayed in the past and implicitly do not trust that they can separate the trustworthy from the untrustworthy anymore. It is very difficult to trust others when you do not trust yourself. Create inner confidence in yourself by exploring your fears and being mentally aware of how they hold you back.

2. Take a leap. Extra caution is your comfort zone, get out of it. Get close to someone who have had in mind and carefully steer the relationship by being as honest to them as you would want them to be with you. Let them know how you feel most times and ease into emotional bonding which you have feared so much in the past. Let the person know from the start that you want to slowly ease into the relationship. As you ease into the relationship, continually remind yourself that you should not punish this person for another’s mistake and give them a chance to prove their loyalty.

3. Learn from mistakes. We all make mistakes and will continue to, so why not learn from them? As quoted from Rafiki the Baboon from the Disney picture The Lion King, the past does hurt, but you can either run from it or learn from it. The wiser decision would be to learn from your past mistakes and let that pain from the past, if any, go. This is difficult but would be easier if you focus on the present moment and prepare for the future with whoever you choose. This awareness of the present moment, which is a core principle of mindfulness meditation, is vital in order to reduce anxiety and significantly improve interpersonal relationships.

There is usually a fear of not being able to handle being betrayed by the one person you finally decided to let your guard down for and trust. Don’t worry about that. Having taken these steps you will be self-assured and would find moving on with life much easier than you think. Do not be anxious about past mistakes or about the future. Enjoy each moment.

“The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.”
― Ernest Hemingway