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Trapped or Free?

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Rose and Isaac fell so deeply in love with each other back in school. They decided to take their relationship a step further by getting married after 2 years of dating. They both had a perfect picture of what marriage would be like and often talked about all the sweet feelings they looked forward to. Rose felt she had what it takes to be a wife and Isaac likewise believed that he had what it takes to be a husband.

First year of their marriage seemed like a dream come true in every aspect. The next few years also had some sweetness and adventure. It went on like this for a while until things started to change gradually, the affectionate feelings started to dwindle and they both began capitalizing on each other’s flaws with their fights becoming more intense. At the 5th year of marriage, they could barely look each other in the eyes without having a flash of memories about each other’s wrong doings.

What went wrong?    

Let’s take a look at marriage for what it really is; Marriage is intended for companionship, mutual understanding, love, care, support and togetherness. It is a union where either party should be free to express and receive love. However, the focus should be more on giving rather than on expecting.

Wait a minute… more about giving? I thought  marriage was supposed to make ME happier, make ME feel more loved, Make ME smile, make ME fulfilled, make ME complete, make ME feel good about MYSELF or make ME enjoy life more.

Well, the truth regarding this is that marriage cannot make you happy if you haven’t found happiness within yourself yet. Neither can it fill up the emptiness you feel on your inside if you don’t love yourself enough. This is simply because the more you love yourself, the better a lover you can be to your spouse. So it isn’t totally about what you can get but about what you are capable of giving towards the success of your marriage.   

what you haveFor marriages to be truly fulfilling, couples need to be willing to put in a lot of conscious effort to make it work. Step out of the fairy tale fantasies about marriage every once in a while and work it out with your spouse. It is when you do so that you can really experience the happily ever after created by you of course!

When couples fail to play their part towards creating a healthy relationship with one another, one or both may tend to feel trapped in the marriage and resort to seeking a quick way out. Sadly this has become so common.

To improve the quality of your marriage, you must endeavor to be skilled in the following:

Forgive easily: There is absolutely no guarantee that your spouse won’t do something that can hurt you again and again and yet again… but don’t continue piling up unresolved conflicts that arise as a result of unforgiveness rather, be willing to forgive your spouse when he/she goes wrong no matter the cost. Ensure not to bring up past mistakes and never compare your spouse with someone else.  You really don’t need all the heart aches that build up as a result of unforgiveness and you find that you are happier when you forgive easily. If you are not willing to forgive easily then you are not ready to make your marriage work.

Make your communication effective: Couples need to be able to talk with each other about everything that concerns them. Talk about sex, talk about finances, talk about plans for the family and talk about your relationship with each other and how you both can improve on how you treat each other.

Be creative: Add spice to your marriage by becoming more creative in every aspect. Be less predictable and keep your spouse guessing. Invest your time and money into the success of your marriage.

happy-older-couple-111120Keep in mind that your marriage is what you make of it. So if you are willing to make it work, then learn to forgive your spouse easily, be creative and make your communication effective.

Kindly follow me on twitter @DrMorayoJimoh for more interesting updates.

 

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Enjoying your own company

“If you make friends with yourself, you’ll never be lonely” –Maxwell Maltz

happy-black-womanStrap your seat belt as we take a journey into ourselves but first, what really comes to mind when asked the common question; “who are you? ” or “tell me about yourself”

Can you tell who you really are?

Do you know yourself well enough?

Do you know for certain what you are capable of doing?

Do you know your strengths and weaknesses?

As relational beings, we are constantly relating with others in our lives. We have family, friends and others in our society constantly demanding for our attention.  The relationship with others in our lives is necessary but what is more important is our relationship with ourselves i.e our intrapersonal relationship. People often go to great lengths to gain skills that will enable them relate better with others in their lives with little emphasis being placed on how well they relate with their own selves.

Let’s make this a bit more practical, take it a challenge; choose a day or maybe one hour to be by yourself. No other person around, no calls, no chats just you…. Then see how well you thrive when you are not in the company of others.

Stop+Feeling+HelplessIf all you get is boredom, loneliness, hopelessness, helplessness, suicidal thoughts, feeling of worthlessness, fear and all such negative feelings, then something is not right with the quality of your intrapersonal relationship.  Some are fantastic when it comes to relating with others and may often avoid being alone for the shortest possible time, they rather thrive well in the company of others. Such people are quick to judge themselves as friendly… but the truth is that they may actually not be friends with their own selves and often have problems in their relationship with others as well. Some others find that they are unable to enjoy their own company and the company of others as well. The third set of people find that they may enjoy their own company and have issues relating with others outside themselves…

It is important to note that none of these three extremes is encouraged but rather, there should be a balance wherein we can have a healthy intrapersonal relationship as well as healthy interpersonal relationships.

The quality of your intrapersonal relationship determines the quality of your interpersonal relationship

When you improve on your intrapersonal relationship, your interpersonal relationships get even better and more fulfilling.

Here are some amazing ways to develop a healthy relationship with yourself

  1. Know yourself: knowing yourself is the foundation for building a healthy relationship with yourself. You may think you know yourself well enough but you still need to do a deeper study of yourself. You’ll notice that some things change as you age while some don’t. Also, know your strengths and weakness, know what to avoid and what to delve into, be sincere with yourself, for example, if you cannot handle harsh criticisms don’t go looking for it. Know what makes you happy and go for it!
  2. Practice Mindfulness meditation: man-breathingbeing mindful is simply learning to gain awareness of the present moment, your present thoughts and feelings. Most of time we are unaware of these bodily functions. If you were told to describe how you feel right now what will it be? Stressed?, sad?, uneasy?, relaxed?, happy?, angry?, loved?, unwanted? Or fulfilled?. Now let’s have a quick mindfulness practice, notice when you breathe in and out…. Then take the “in breath” slow……………..ly and the “out breath” slow………………ly also. Do this for about 2 minutes at different times today and every single day. That’s the beginning of being mindful! For more information about mindfulness, kindly visit mobilehealthconsult.org
  3. Be yourself: you are the only YOU in the entire galaxy! So enjoy being you. You may feel that your weaknesses far outweighs your strengths. Well, look inside you once again and search deep within you. If you are sincere with yourself well enough to know your weaknesses, then the fact that you can bring it to the level of your consciousness means it is 50% resolved!. Be yourself through your journey to become better every day!

Don’t let anyone or societal standards make you feel any less of yourself. Enjoy being you, enjoy your own company, communicate with yourself and have a bank of happy memories about yourself and your achievements. Remember, the better the quality of your intrapersonal relationship, the more fulfilling your interpersonal relationships will be.

Don’t forget to be your own friend and follow me on twitter @drmorayojimoh for more amazing updates on #Intrapersonalrelationship.


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Touch a Heart This Holiday

 

“If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion”- Dalai Lama

Fostering-Character-Development-in-Teens-Compassion-pt-1

Showing kindness not only to family members and friends but also to strangers is a sure way to enjoy your holiday. Sometimes to make the holiday truly memorable, you will need to do something different from what you’ve done in your past holidays.

Love is better expressed when it is directed at those who do not expect it from you.

Showing love to a spouse, sibling, friend or family member is a common act but then how often do we think about those who are not in any way related to us? How often do we show love to those in need? How often do we reach out to the old, the less privileged, the physically/ mentally challenged, the widowed and even those random individuals we see on the streets?

Do you really want to make this holiday worthwhile?

Then make an effort to meet a need in someone’s life this season

To achieve this, here is a very practical 10- Day plan to reach out to others!

DAY 1:

Make Three People Smile Todayimages

Saying a word of affirmation can help you achieve this. Say things like “you are beautiful/ handsome”, “I love your smile” or “that’s a lovely dress/shirt you have on”. You can also achieve this by giving out a small note with a word of encouragement written on it.

DAY 2:

Buy a gift for a strangergifts

This act seems a little weird but it is an amazing way to surprise someone this holiday and spice up your holiday as well.

 

DAY 3:

Give out your good old clothes and other items to someone who needs themfree_clothes

Many of us form the habit of disposing our old stuffs when we no longer need them ignoring the fact that there are some people who cannot afford these items. This season, instead of discarding your good old stuffs, give it to someone who needs it. You’ll be glad you did.

DAY 4:

Help make the environment beautifulParkCareVolunteer_rdax_495x278

Today, take out time to beautify the environment. Resolve not to litter the environment, take an extra step to clean up your surroundings, plant some flowers, decorate the environment etc. You never can tell how much the beauty of the environment would lighten someone’s heart.

DAY 5:

Spend time with an elderly person today!

One Step at a Time

Look out for an elderly person in your environment and spend time with him/her. You can also help out with some house chores like taking out the trash, helping out with laundry, cooking a meal, mowing the lawn or you can even tell them a story.

DAY 6:

Be the reason a Child is happy todayhellping a child

The smile you leave on a child’s face today might just be what you need to make your holiday a memorable one this season. Pause and think! Device a means to make a child happy today and see how that makes you feel.

DAY 7:

Visit the Orphanageaids-orphan-children-africa-6

Visit the orphanage today. You may need to buy some gift items for the orphans if you wish to. You can also decide to engage them in fun stuffs like teaching them new songs, telling them stories, playing games and acting.

DAY 8:

Reach out to the sickmormon-caringforsick

Your encouragement would go a long way in the recovery process of a sick person today. Visit a hospital and give words of encouragement to the sick!

DAY 9:

Show concern for someone who is despondent

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Try to encourage someone who is down. Use both words and actions. Don’t just be sympathetic but as much as possible try to plant hope in the person.

DAY 10:

Be Nice

Be nice to everyone you meet today. Be polite- say please, excuse me, thank you, and I’m sorry as many times as possible. Be quick to forgive those who offend you and also quick to apologize to those you’ve wronged.

For more insightful updates on #TouchaHeartThisHoliday follow me on twitter @drmorayoJimoh


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Strengthening Family Relationships during the Holidays

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During this time of the year, many families are engaged in various activities like going on trips, reunions, parties, meetings and so on with the aim of reconnecting and reinforcing family ties.  The December holiday season also provides an opportunity for estranged family members to restore their relationships and settle all forms of acrimony that may exist amongst them.

“Well, what better time is there to strengthen your most important relationships than during the holidays?”

While some may have it easy when it comes to reconnecting with their family members, on the contrary, there are some others who really want to reconnect as well but they may find it difficult to do so and this might make them tend towards depression, anxiety and all other forms of negative feelings at such a time when they should be having fun!

However the current strength of your family relationship, the following are keys to help restore and further strengthen your family ties during this holiday season.

1. Effective Communication    78631212_XS (1)

Communication is one of the most vital aspects of nurturing any relationship and it goes beyond mere verbal expression. Keep in mind that when communicating, your facial expressions, gestures, tone of voice and other forms of body language can speak more volume than what you may intend especially when it comes to family relationships. The tricky part is that you may be unaware of your non-verbal communication towards your family as a result of familiarity or otherwise. During this holiday, make a commitment to be more conscious and courteous about your non-verbal communication with your family in order to boost the effectiveness of your communication.

2. Quality Time  family-dinner-1

To many families, having free time to spend together seems to be a luxury as we are often too busy with work, school and other engagements all year round. The holiday season is a great opportunity to reconnect and strengthen family relationships. When planning the holiday, ensure to include special “family time” to do things together as a team such as planning a party together, playing games, having a picnic or going on a trip.

3. Giving  

Like the old saying goes, charity begins at home. It literally begins at home! This is a season to show love and the best expression of love is through giving. It requires some level of selflessness on your part. Giving is inexhaustible as there is always something to give, it could be gifts, money, advice, support and even giving your time to listen or to share a special moment will all go a long way in strengthening your family relationship.

16-045614-holiday_gift_giving_etiquette

Meeting a need in a family member’s life during this holiday will create a sense of being thought of as important and will in turn strengthen your relationship. Remember to communicate effectively, spend quality time and give during this season! To gain more tips on strengthening family ties click Here.

For more juicy info about #strengtheningfamilyrelationsships kindly follow me on twitter @DrMorayoJimoh.

 


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7 ways to make her feel special…

Mother’s day is here again and we would like to give you tips on making your mum special not just TODAY but EVERYDAY.

Enjoy!

Mothers day

A Mother’s Love
There are times when only a Mother’s love
Can understand our tears,
Can soothe our disappoints
And calm all of our fears.
There are times when only a Mother’s love
Can share the joy we feel
When something we’ve dreamed about
Quite suddenly is real.
There are times when only a Mother’s faith
Can help us on life’s way
And inspire in us the confidence
We need from day to day.
For a Mother’s heart and a Mother’s faith
And a Mother’s steadfast love
Were fashioned by the Angels
And sent from God above.
Author Unknown

HMD 2

Happy Mother’s day!

From Mobile Health Consult!


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Keep it Hot!!!

“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times,

always with the same person”. –  Migon McLaughlin.

happy couple 3

Falling in love is mostly associated with the period of dating. This is when two people of the opposite sex connect and express love, care and have special feelings for each other. Although, this feeling is common in dating, married couples should however learn to fall in love again and again with each other in order to keep enjoying the marriage. Particularly, it refreshes the marriage and facilitates its success.

How can the flames of love be kept hot in marriage? Men and women have different expectations from each other. Fulfilling these expectations holds the key to the most successful and healthy marriages.

Women generally desire 3 A’s from men namely: Attraction, Attention and Affection.

  • Attraction- Always make her feel attracted to you. Watch your physical appearance. Have a nice hair cut that she likes. Keep yourself neat and tidy.

 

  • Attention- Ensure you spend quality time with her. Go out on special romantic dates. Take a vacation together and have a nice time. Every woman loves to get attention from her man. Listen with not only your ears but also with your eyes and heart when she wants to talk with you.

 

  • Affection- Men should whisper sweet words into the ears of their wives. Make an effort in satisfying her desires in actions. Don’t just say ‘I love you’. Make her feel loved and appreciated by your actions. Try to woo her again and again. This helps to rekindle the flames of love.hudband commu

Also, men want 3 R’s which are: Respect, Romance and Recognition.

  • Respect- This is vital to a man’s ego. A wife should accord her husband the respect needed and not bruise his ego. Make him feel respected and he will cherish, respect and love you.

 

  • Romance – Wives should also learn to keep up with the romance. Learn to spice things up in the bedroom. Put an extra effort to look attractive to him. Leave a short love note for him. Send him some romantic text messages.

 

  • Recognition- They should also learn to recognize and appreciate even the trivial things that husbands do such as helping out with the selection of clothes and some household  chores.Care-husband

“Let the wife make the husband glad to come home,

and let him make her sorry to see him leave”- Martin Luther.

The more you invest in love, the more you grow in love. The presence of your partner excites and thrills you. You would not like to see him/her leave.

Never let the fire of love fizzle out.

Keep it hot!


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He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not…

“A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ comes together.

It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.”

-Dave Meurer

ringsMarriage is a sacred institution that signifies the joining of hearts and minds of a man and a woman in a union that is expected to last until death. This institution is most looked forward to by young adults as they desire to share their lives with their “true love”. Let’s pause a bit and look closely at the term “true love”. How true is this love that makes a man do anything to capture the heart of his damsel? Is there such a thing as fake love? What exactly is love in the confines of marriage? How would you define love?

Sometimes, we are confronted with the credibility of our spouse’s profession of love. When two people take vows to cherish and love each other forever, they, at that moment experience a rush of love or feelings that carry them on till a year or so. Research by James Spencer at Brigham Young University (1992) in a longitudinal study measuring marital quality, revealed that universally,  romantic love is experienced in the first year of marriage. After this period, the couple is soon faced with the reality of living with a completely different person from a different background with different interests and preferences. Arguments, conflicts and moments of angry outbursts may be common at this period which may question the veracity of the initial love professed at the time of taking solemn vows.

Does this sound familiar? If you are married I’m sure you can accede to the fact that marriage is not always a bed of roses. There are times of “up” and times of “down”. Times to laugh and cry, fight and make up, criticize and encourage, etc.

Based on a research by Campbell, Weiner-Davis, DeMaria, Harrar et al, Chris Garner proposed 5 stages of marriage which are:

1. The Enchantment phase:

This is otherwise known as the honey moon phase. This phase has been researched to last a year or two depending on when children arrive. It is a passion fueled phase with intense focus on attraction. Couples believe that they will live happily ever after much like the fairy tale stories of Cinderella and snow white. Excitement and euphoria characterize this stage and couples usually share similar interests. They can talk for long hours without getting tired. At this stage, all they want is to be together.

enchantment

2.  The Realization phase:

Feelings of euphoria wear off and couples realize how different they are. It is a time of disenchantment where they realize differences that exist between them. Power tussles, arguments and conflict over minor as well as major issues results. Remember the story of a couple who fought over how to squeeze toothpaste? This kind of scenario often occurs at this stage. Would it be sufficient to state that the love that once existed has gone sour?

realization3. The Acceptance phase:

At this phase, the differences observed are accepted. Each person begins to see the other person and accept him/her without being judgmental; after all it would be difficult to change the other person. Couples at this stage are able to work through the challenges they face.

acceptance

4. The Commitment phase:

Understanding, peace and harmony are characteristic features of this stage. This is a matured stage of a relationship that exists even when problems and conflicts arise. Couples have learnt to understand themselves and work through whatever comes their way through teamwork and cooperation. Each couple knows about the weaknesses of the other but choose to stay or commit themselves to them based on the strengths they have.

5. The Co-creation phase:

Couples who get to this stage look beyond themselves and extend their oneness to others. They are able to work together in unity to bring about impact in the lives of those around them. They are able to contribute their own quota to society by mentoring young ones and giving back in different ways.

With these 5 stages, how would you define love? Is it primarily the passion that comprises the enchantment stage, the intimacy of acceptance phase or the commitment of the commitment stage? The truth is a combination of all 3. This was proposed by Robert Sternberg in his Triarchic theory of love.

So, love basically is a mix of PASSION, INTIMACY and COMMITMENT.

Kindly follow @DrMorayoJimoh for more interesting updates on Love and Relationships.