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Touch a Heart This Holiday

 

“If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion”- Dalai Lama

Fostering-Character-Development-in-Teens-Compassion-pt-1

Showing kindness not only to family members and friends but also to strangers is a sure way to enjoy your holiday. Sometimes to make the holiday truly memorable, you will need to do something different from what you’ve done in your past holidays.

Love is better expressed when it is directed at those who do not expect it from you.

Showing love to a spouse, sibling, friend or family member is a common act but then how often do we think about those who are not in any way related to us? How often do we show love to those in need? How often do we reach out to the old, the less privileged, the physically/ mentally challenged, the widowed and even those random individuals we see on the streets?

Do you really want to make this holiday worthwhile?

Then make an effort to meet a need in someone’s life this season

To achieve this, here is a very practical 10- Day plan to reach out to others!

DAY 1:

Make Three People Smile Todayimages

Saying a word of affirmation can help you achieve this. Say things like “you are beautiful/ handsome”, “I love your smile” or “that’s a lovely dress/shirt you have on”. You can also achieve this by giving out a small note with a word of encouragement written on it.

DAY 2:

Buy a gift for a strangergifts

This act seems a little weird but it is an amazing way to surprise someone this holiday and spice up your holiday as well.

 

DAY 3:

Give out your good old clothes and other items to someone who needs themfree_clothes

Many of us form the habit of disposing our old stuffs when we no longer need them ignoring the fact that there are some people who cannot afford these items. This season, instead of discarding your good old stuffs, give it to someone who needs it. You’ll be glad you did.

DAY 4:

Help make the environment beautifulParkCareVolunteer_rdax_495x278

Today, take out time to beautify the environment. Resolve not to litter the environment, take an extra step to clean up your surroundings, plant some flowers, decorate the environment etc. You never can tell how much the beauty of the environment would lighten someone’s heart.

DAY 5:

Spend time with an elderly person today!

One Step at a Time

Look out for an elderly person in your environment and spend time with him/her. You can also help out with some house chores like taking out the trash, helping out with laundry, cooking a meal, mowing the lawn or you can even tell them a story.

DAY 6:

Be the reason a Child is happy todayhellping a child

The smile you leave on a child’s face today might just be what you need to make your holiday a memorable one this season. Pause and think! Device a means to make a child happy today and see how that makes you feel.

DAY 7:

Visit the Orphanageaids-orphan-children-africa-6

Visit the orphanage today. You may need to buy some gift items for the orphans if you wish to. You can also decide to engage them in fun stuffs like teaching them new songs, telling them stories, playing games and acting.

DAY 8:

Reach out to the sickmormon-caringforsick

Your encouragement would go a long way in the recovery process of a sick person today. Visit a hospital and give words of encouragement to the sick!

DAY 9:

Show concern for someone who is despondent

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Try to encourage someone who is down. Use both words and actions. Don’t just be sympathetic but as much as possible try to plant hope in the person.

DAY 10:

Be Nice

Be nice to everyone you meet today. Be polite- say please, excuse me, thank you, and I’m sorry as many times as possible. Be quick to forgive those who offend you and also quick to apologize to those you’ve wronged.

For more insightful updates on #TouchaHeartThisHoliday follow me on twitter @drmorayoJimoh

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He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not…

“A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ comes together.

It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.”

-Dave Meurer

ringsMarriage is a sacred institution that signifies the joining of hearts and minds of a man and a woman in a union that is expected to last until death. This institution is most looked forward to by young adults as they desire to share their lives with their “true love”. Let’s pause a bit and look closely at the term “true love”. How true is this love that makes a man do anything to capture the heart of his damsel? Is there such a thing as fake love? What exactly is love in the confines of marriage? How would you define love?

Sometimes, we are confronted with the credibility of our spouse’s profession of love. When two people take vows to cherish and love each other forever, they, at that moment experience a rush of love or feelings that carry them on till a year or so. Research by James Spencer at Brigham Young University (1992) in a longitudinal study measuring marital quality, revealed that universally,  romantic love is experienced in the first year of marriage. After this period, the couple is soon faced with the reality of living with a completely different person from a different background with different interests and preferences. Arguments, conflicts and moments of angry outbursts may be common at this period which may question the veracity of the initial love professed at the time of taking solemn vows.

Does this sound familiar? If you are married I’m sure you can accede to the fact that marriage is not always a bed of roses. There are times of “up” and times of “down”. Times to laugh and cry, fight and make up, criticize and encourage, etc.

Based on a research by Campbell, Weiner-Davis, DeMaria, Harrar et al, Chris Garner proposed 5 stages of marriage which are:

1. The Enchantment phase:

This is otherwise known as the honey moon phase. This phase has been researched to last a year or two depending on when children arrive. It is a passion fueled phase with intense focus on attraction. Couples believe that they will live happily ever after much like the fairy tale stories of Cinderella and snow white. Excitement and euphoria characterize this stage and couples usually share similar interests. They can talk for long hours without getting tired. At this stage, all they want is to be together.

enchantment

2.  The Realization phase:

Feelings of euphoria wear off and couples realize how different they are. It is a time of disenchantment where they realize differences that exist between them. Power tussles, arguments and conflict over minor as well as major issues results. Remember the story of a couple who fought over how to squeeze toothpaste? This kind of scenario often occurs at this stage. Would it be sufficient to state that the love that once existed has gone sour?

realization3. The Acceptance phase:

At this phase, the differences observed are accepted. Each person begins to see the other person and accept him/her without being judgmental; after all it would be difficult to change the other person. Couples at this stage are able to work through the challenges they face.

acceptance

4. The Commitment phase:

Understanding, peace and harmony are characteristic features of this stage. This is a matured stage of a relationship that exists even when problems and conflicts arise. Couples have learnt to understand themselves and work through whatever comes their way through teamwork and cooperation. Each couple knows about the weaknesses of the other but choose to stay or commit themselves to them based on the strengths they have.

5. The Co-creation phase:

Couples who get to this stage look beyond themselves and extend their oneness to others. They are able to work together in unity to bring about impact in the lives of those around them. They are able to contribute their own quota to society by mentoring young ones and giving back in different ways.

With these 5 stages, how would you define love? Is it primarily the passion that comprises the enchantment stage, the intimacy of acceptance phase or the commitment of the commitment stage? The truth is a combination of all 3. This was proposed by Robert Sternberg in his Triarchic theory of love.

So, love basically is a mix of PASSION, INTIMACY and COMMITMENT.

Kindly follow @DrMorayoJimoh for more interesting updates on Love and Relationships.


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What’s your love language?

love language 1Love has many definitions. However, to some people the word does not even exist or may be thought of as just a mirage. To some, love is seen as a warm feeling of affection towards others, while to others it may be considered as the butterflies in one’s stomach at the sight of a loved one.  Love may also be thought of as an unconditional commitment to an imperfect person. This last definition reveals love as unconditional; that is a person is loved and showed love regardless of who the person is or what he has.

There are many ways of showing the commitment to love. By caring, speaking kind words, being polite, giving, sharing and other displays of love.  Gary Chapman, a counselor has enumerated 5 ways of showing love, which he termed as love languages. These include:

5-love-languages

#LoveLanguage1- Gifts: However inexpensive or expensive, people whose love language is gift giving engage in it and expect others to do the same. They feel most loved when a person surprises them with a gift every now and then. This is quite different from those who are materialistic that is more focused on what they can get in cash or kind from the other  partner. Such individuals appreciate the thoughtfulness of the giver.gifts

#LoveLanguage2- Acts of Service: “How can I help you?” and “Let me do this for you” are questions that are ever on the lips of those who speak love through kind gestures. They desire to express love by assisting others and feel loved if they are as well.  Simple acts as such as trashing the waste bin, cooking a meal, arranging the living room, washing clothes etc. are simple acts that such individuals prefer.acts-of-service

#LoveLanguage3- Touch: This language refers to sexual or physical intimacy. A person whose primary language is physical touch appreciates and feels loved when they are given hugs, pats on the back, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face. They see these as a show of concern, care, and love.  More often, such people are also quick to communicate such gestures.hugs

#LoveLanguage4- Words of affirmation: Words they say are powerful. People whose love language is words of affirmation thrive on the positive words spoken to them by loved ones. Words that approve of them,  express acceptance and validation are expected. Compliments, constructive words, kind words, words of encouragements are ways of expressing words as a love language. Saying “I love you”, “You are the best”, “You made my day”, “You look awesome” etc., a million times achieves the desired effect and even more each time it is said.

words of affirmation

#LoveLanguage5- Quality time: Are you always complaining that your loved ones and friends don’t visit you? Are you eager to spend time with your family? Then, maybe your love language is quality time. For people whose love language is quality time, there is a craving to spend  secluded time with loved ones. At such times, they expect undivided and complete concentration of their friends or loved ones at that time.

quality time

So which love language do you speak?

One. Two. Three. Four. All

You may speak more than one, but if you look closely, there’s always one primary love  language that you express and expect.  You may also find out the love language of your spouse, loved one or friend and START SPEAKING IT!

Discover your love language by clicking HERE

 Kindly follow us @drmorayojimoh for more tips this love season.. Show some love today and speak the right language!

 


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The Gift of Friendship

There are big ships and small ships but the best ship of all is friendship!

friends

As humans, we are social beings and as such; we are interdependent on one another. No man is an island. We all need each other, no matter how individualistic some cultures tend towards or claim to be, they still depend on one or more people to survive. Relationships involve being connected or associated with others of the same kind. It could be family relationships, friendship or other forms.

Establishing and maintaining relationships is a major form of socialization found across all cultures.

Friendship is a form of relationship between two or more individuals with common affection, usually mutually benefiting and can be based on some similarities in terms of interest, values, environment or background.

Friendship is often based on mutual understanding, honesty, trust, empathy, compassion, affection, altruism, enjoyment of each other’s company, the ability to be one’s self or express one’s feelings and make mistakes without fear of being judged. Trust is the most important building block in any relationship. So in terms of friendship, trust is a vital factor in building true and long lasting friendships.

My friend is someone that I can fearlessly lay down my guards with.

freedom to be yourself

Friendship is a vital ingredient to success in life. The people you relate with can either ‘accelerate’ or ‘decelerate’ you in that, the people with whom you associate can aid you to progress or cause you to retrogress in life. Also, you are a reflection of your friend. This explains the popular saying:

“Show me your friend and I will tell you who you are”

This is because most of the time if not all, friends share similar values and behaviours.

Friendship also has to do with choice in that, it is not an imposition. You get to choose your own friends. However, you should be mindful about your choice of friends. The people you relate with generally fall under two categories namely: Lifters and downers. Lifters are those that will help you grow and improve, they are also known as adders or multipliers because they “add” to your life and help you become better. On the other hand, downers are those that stunt your growth and bring you down. They “subtract” from your life. This is why it is important to choose wisely.

 

Keep in mind that true friendship involves sharing. It is a “give and take” relationship where both parties are willing to make each other better.

A true friend sticks with you in good and bad times.

 Friendship_quotes_004

Let’s always remember to celebrate our friends in this season of Love and always!

Follow @drmorayojimoh for more interesting updates on Love and relationships!