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Keep it Hot!!!

“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times,

always with the same person”. –  Migon McLaughlin.

happy couple 3

Falling in love is mostly associated with the period of dating. This is when two people of the opposite sex connect and express love, care and have special feelings for each other. Although, this feeling is common in dating, married couples should however learn to fall in love again and again with each other in order to keep enjoying the marriage. Particularly, it refreshes the marriage and facilitates its success.

How can the flames of love be kept hot in marriage? Men and women have different expectations from each other. Fulfilling these expectations holds the key to the most successful and healthy marriages.

Women generally desire 3 A’s from men namely: Attraction, Attention and Affection.

  • Attraction- Always make her feel attracted to you. Watch your physical appearance. Have a nice hair cut that she likes. Keep yourself neat and tidy.

 

  • Attention- Ensure you spend quality time with her. Go out on special romantic dates. Take a vacation together and have a nice time. Every woman loves to get attention from her man. Listen with not only your ears but also with your eyes and heart when she wants to talk with you.

 

  • Affection- Men should whisper sweet words into the ears of their wives. Make an effort in satisfying her desires in actions. Don’t just say ‘I love you’. Make her feel loved and appreciated by your actions. Try to woo her again and again. This helps to rekindle the flames of love.hudband commu

Also, men want 3 R’s which are: Respect, Romance and Recognition.

  • Respect- This is vital to a man’s ego. A wife should accord her husband the respect needed and not bruise his ego. Make him feel respected and he will cherish, respect and love you.

 

  • Romance – Wives should also learn to keep up with the romance. Learn to spice things up in the bedroom. Put an extra effort to look attractive to him. Leave a short love note for him. Send him some romantic text messages.

 

  • Recognition- They should also learn to recognize and appreciate even the trivial things that husbands do such as helping out with the selection of clothes and some household  chores.Care-husband

“Let the wife make the husband glad to come home,

and let him make her sorry to see him leave”- Martin Luther.

The more you invest in love, the more you grow in love. The presence of your partner excites and thrills you. You would not like to see him/her leave.

Never let the fire of love fizzle out.

Keep it hot!

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He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not…

“A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ comes together.

It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.”

-Dave Meurer

ringsMarriage is a sacred institution that signifies the joining of hearts and minds of a man and a woman in a union that is expected to last until death. This institution is most looked forward to by young adults as they desire to share their lives with their “true love”. Let’s pause a bit and look closely at the term “true love”. How true is this love that makes a man do anything to capture the heart of his damsel? Is there such a thing as fake love? What exactly is love in the confines of marriage? How would you define love?

Sometimes, we are confronted with the credibility of our spouse’s profession of love. When two people take vows to cherish and love each other forever, they, at that moment experience a rush of love or feelings that carry them on till a year or so. Research by James Spencer at Brigham Young University (1992) in a longitudinal study measuring marital quality, revealed that universally,  romantic love is experienced in the first year of marriage. After this period, the couple is soon faced with the reality of living with a completely different person from a different background with different interests and preferences. Arguments, conflicts and moments of angry outbursts may be common at this period which may question the veracity of the initial love professed at the time of taking solemn vows.

Does this sound familiar? If you are married I’m sure you can accede to the fact that marriage is not always a bed of roses. There are times of “up” and times of “down”. Times to laugh and cry, fight and make up, criticize and encourage, etc.

Based on a research by Campbell, Weiner-Davis, DeMaria, Harrar et al, Chris Garner proposed 5 stages of marriage which are:

1. The Enchantment phase:

This is otherwise known as the honey moon phase. This phase has been researched to last a year or two depending on when children arrive. It is a passion fueled phase with intense focus on attraction. Couples believe that they will live happily ever after much like the fairy tale stories of Cinderella and snow white. Excitement and euphoria characterize this stage and couples usually share similar interests. They can talk for long hours without getting tired. At this stage, all they want is to be together.

enchantment

2.  The Realization phase:

Feelings of euphoria wear off and couples realize how different they are. It is a time of disenchantment where they realize differences that exist between them. Power tussles, arguments and conflict over minor as well as major issues results. Remember the story of a couple who fought over how to squeeze toothpaste? This kind of scenario often occurs at this stage. Would it be sufficient to state that the love that once existed has gone sour?

realization3. The Acceptance phase:

At this phase, the differences observed are accepted. Each person begins to see the other person and accept him/her without being judgmental; after all it would be difficult to change the other person. Couples at this stage are able to work through the challenges they face.

acceptance

4. The Commitment phase:

Understanding, peace and harmony are characteristic features of this stage. This is a matured stage of a relationship that exists even when problems and conflicts arise. Couples have learnt to understand themselves and work through whatever comes their way through teamwork and cooperation. Each couple knows about the weaknesses of the other but choose to stay or commit themselves to them based on the strengths they have.

5. The Co-creation phase:

Couples who get to this stage look beyond themselves and extend their oneness to others. They are able to work together in unity to bring about impact in the lives of those around them. They are able to contribute their own quota to society by mentoring young ones and giving back in different ways.

With these 5 stages, how would you define love? Is it primarily the passion that comprises the enchantment stage, the intimacy of acceptance phase or the commitment of the commitment stage? The truth is a combination of all 3. This was proposed by Robert Sternberg in his Triarchic theory of love.

So, love basically is a mix of PASSION, INTIMACY and COMMITMENT.

Kindly follow @DrMorayoJimoh for more interesting updates on Love and Relationships.


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What’s your love language?

love language 1Love has many definitions. However, to some people the word does not even exist or may be thought of as just a mirage. To some, love is seen as a warm feeling of affection towards others, while to others it may be considered as the butterflies in one’s stomach at the sight of a loved one.  Love may also be thought of as an unconditional commitment to an imperfect person. This last definition reveals love as unconditional; that is a person is loved and showed love regardless of who the person is or what he has.

There are many ways of showing the commitment to love. By caring, speaking kind words, being polite, giving, sharing and other displays of love.  Gary Chapman, a counselor has enumerated 5 ways of showing love, which he termed as love languages. These include:

5-love-languages

#LoveLanguage1- Gifts: However inexpensive or expensive, people whose love language is gift giving engage in it and expect others to do the same. They feel most loved when a person surprises them with a gift every now and then. This is quite different from those who are materialistic that is more focused on what they can get in cash or kind from the other  partner. Such individuals appreciate the thoughtfulness of the giver.gifts

#LoveLanguage2- Acts of Service: “How can I help you?” and “Let me do this for you” are questions that are ever on the lips of those who speak love through kind gestures. They desire to express love by assisting others and feel loved if they are as well.  Simple acts as such as trashing the waste bin, cooking a meal, arranging the living room, washing clothes etc. are simple acts that such individuals prefer.acts-of-service

#LoveLanguage3- Touch: This language refers to sexual or physical intimacy. A person whose primary language is physical touch appreciates and feels loved when they are given hugs, pats on the back, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face. They see these as a show of concern, care, and love.  More often, such people are also quick to communicate such gestures.hugs

#LoveLanguage4- Words of affirmation: Words they say are powerful. People whose love language is words of affirmation thrive on the positive words spoken to them by loved ones. Words that approve of them,  express acceptance and validation are expected. Compliments, constructive words, kind words, words of encouragements are ways of expressing words as a love language. Saying “I love you”, “You are the best”, “You made my day”, “You look awesome” etc., a million times achieves the desired effect and even more each time it is said.

words of affirmation

#LoveLanguage5- Quality time: Are you always complaining that your loved ones and friends don’t visit you? Are you eager to spend time with your family? Then, maybe your love language is quality time. For people whose love language is quality time, there is a craving to spend  secluded time with loved ones. At such times, they expect undivided and complete concentration of their friends or loved ones at that time.

quality time

So which love language do you speak?

One. Two. Three. Four. All

You may speak more than one, but if you look closely, there’s always one primary love  language that you express and expect.  You may also find out the love language of your spouse, loved one or friend and START SPEAKING IT!

Discover your love language by clicking HERE

 Kindly follow us @drmorayojimoh for more tips this love season.. Show some love today and speak the right language!

 


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LOVE is an ACTION Word!

 

love3The time of the year when “I Love You” is being said the most all around the world is on Valentine’s day do you agree?

Hurray! It’s Valentine and of course, Love is in the air everywhere. Flowers, chocolates and other special gifts are being delivered to loved ones.

Some call it Lovers day as it is common to see lovers go to special places to relax and enjoy each other’s company. Others may use it as an opportunity to show Love to the less privileged and some may also choose to use it as a day to review their marriage vows. In all, LOVE is the aim.

So, what does Love mean to you? Some believe that love is that ‘special feeling’ you get when you are with someone you care about. For some others, it is going out of your way to please or help others in need. While some believe that Love is sacrifice and another group may believe that Love starts and ends with saying special words to someone.

There are many definitions of Love quite alright and you may have your personalized definition as well but let’s look at it as having more to do with actions. This implies that expressing love will always have to be more than mere words. So, saying I Love You alone is not sufficient. It has to be reflected in our actions to others and this has to do with both males and females expressing Love by actions.

The actions of Love simply involves giving to another. Money and gifts maybe first on our minds when we talk about giving. It’s definitely part of it but not entirely. ro102-love-is-givingThere are other resources that can make the big differences in our love lives. Such as the resource that is given to everyone in equal measure –“Time”. All your loved one may want from you could be quality time to spend together which will be worth more than all the money and gifts you can shower.

Also, there are other ways you can express love by your actions such as doing something unexpected for the other- be creative! And explore all options towards performing actions of love this season and always.

Remember that LOVE is an action word. As you celebrate February 14th this year, do something different this Valentine and everyday afterwards.

Kindly follow @drmorayojimoh for more interesting updates on Love and Relationships throughout the month of February. Don’t forget to be a part of our #LoveDare. We would love for you to share your experiences with us!

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Happy Valentine’s Day! From Mobile Health Consult.