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Trapped or Free?

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Rose and Isaac fell so deeply in love with each other back in school. They decided to take their relationship a step further by getting married after 2 years of dating. They both had a perfect picture of what marriage would be like and often talked about all the sweet feelings they looked forward to. Rose felt she had what it takes to be a wife and Isaac likewise believed that he had what it takes to be a husband.

First year of their marriage seemed like a dream come true in every aspect. The next few years also had some sweetness and adventure. It went on like this for a while until things started to change gradually, the affectionate feelings started to dwindle and they both began capitalizing on each other’s flaws with their fights becoming more intense. At the 5th year of marriage, they could barely look each other in the eyes without having a flash of memories about each other’s wrong doings.

What went wrong?    

Let’s take a look at marriage for what it really is; Marriage is intended for companionship, mutual understanding, love, care, support and togetherness. It is a union where either party should be free to express and receive love. However, the focus should be more on giving rather than on expecting.

Wait a minute… more about giving? I thought  marriage was supposed to make ME happier, make ME feel more loved, Make ME smile, make ME fulfilled, make ME complete, make ME feel good about MYSELF or make ME enjoy life more.

Well, the truth regarding this is that marriage cannot make you happy if you haven’t found happiness within yourself yet. Neither can it fill up the emptiness you feel on your inside if you don’t love yourself enough. This is simply because the more you love yourself, the better a lover you can be to your spouse. So it isn’t totally about what you can get but about what you are capable of giving towards the success of your marriage.   

what you haveFor marriages to be truly fulfilling, couples need to be willing to put in a lot of conscious effort to make it work. Step out of the fairy tale fantasies about marriage every once in a while and work it out with your spouse. It is when you do so that you can really experience the happily ever after created by you of course!

When couples fail to play their part towards creating a healthy relationship with one another, one or both may tend to feel trapped in the marriage and resort to seeking a quick way out. Sadly this has become so common.

To improve the quality of your marriage, you must endeavor to be skilled in the following:

Forgive easily: There is absolutely no guarantee that your spouse won’t do something that can hurt you again and again and yet again… but don’t continue piling up unresolved conflicts that arise as a result of unforgiveness rather, be willing to forgive your spouse when he/she goes wrong no matter the cost. Ensure not to bring up past mistakes and never compare your spouse with someone else.  You really don’t need all the heart aches that build up as a result of unforgiveness and you find that you are happier when you forgive easily. If you are not willing to forgive easily then you are not ready to make your marriage work.

Make your communication effective: Couples need to be able to talk with each other about everything that concerns them. Talk about sex, talk about finances, talk about plans for the family and talk about your relationship with each other and how you both can improve on how you treat each other.

Be creative: Add spice to your marriage by becoming more creative in every aspect. Be less predictable and keep your spouse guessing. Invest your time and money into the success of your marriage.

happy-older-couple-111120Keep in mind that your marriage is what you make of it. So if you are willing to make it work, then learn to forgive your spouse easily, be creative and make your communication effective.

Kindly follow me on twitter @DrMorayoJimoh for more interesting updates.

 

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Much More Than Roses

loveGiving or expecting valentine gifts anytime soon? Well, this time let’s do something entirely different for our loved ones. You may wish to wrap up your gifts nicely as planned but kindly have them tucked away for a moment as we undergo a short trip into our hearts.

To do this, you’ll have to be completely honest with each other in a non-judgmental and non-blame way.

Map out a plan to spend quality time with your loved one to totally open up your deepest thoughts and feelings about your relationship with him/her. Share memories from when you first met, the first times special things happened between both of you, how he/she made you feel, what attracted you to him/her, your hopes and dreams about each other, promises made to each other and much more.

Next, remind each other about the journey so far, about how well the relationship has fared, how well you were able to keep the promises made or not, remember the challenging moments, remember the success stories, remember the times you almost gave up or when you broke up and made up again, remember the conversations, the special and not so special moments too.

Now, to the present moment, give yourself a sincere answer to this question;

Has this relationship made me a better person?

Sincerely analyze the current state of your relationship,

Are you satisfied with it?

Ask each other questions about your relationship, this is the time to search deep within your hearts and resolve every form of strife, misunderstanding and differences between both of you. The following questions might be of help:

  • Have I changed in any way from the man/woman you fell in love with?
  • What particular aspects have I faltered?
  • What areas have I lived up to expectations?
  • What are those things that you cherish about us?
  • How can you help me improve and love you better?
  • What are the exact things you want more of?
  • What are the exact things you want me to stop doing?
  • How can I please you more?

couple-talkingThis will open your eyes to many things you may have taken for granted about each other and if properly done, this appraisal can be life transforming for both of you. Take it a step further by noting down the action points from this powerful conversation with your loved one and delve into action immediately. This will make you more conscious of how you treat each other every day.

You can have conversations like this on a monthly basis, yearly or on your anniversaries.

You can now proceed to opening your gifts for each other and enjoy a beautiful Valentine together.

For more juicy extracts on #Lovetalks, follow me on twitter @Drmorayojimoh.

Happy Valentine’s day from all of us at Mobile Heath Consult.

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